the poet

the morning we met

do you ever wonder how things would've turned out if we sat and chatted for a bit. how perhaps if our beginning was more "dramatic" we wouldn't have had to chase each other like cat and mice all these years.

the year we met was the most eventful one i'd lived through. god knows how vile first year of med school can be and yet to me it was the most eventful one yet.

i spent that fall adjusting to the city. it was so big and ferocious, i could feel it glare at me every time i walked through it's streets. to me that year and the next meant rebirth -- i was no longer a tot living under my parent's rule.

i spent the winter looking for friends. it was difficult even though i had thought of myself as an outgoing and approachable person. maybe i was wrong or maybe the problem was the terror of school.

my dorm building would often witness the tremors and whimpers of freshmen.

it was stupid honestly.

it was the first year of school for god's sake what were the professors thinking.

my quest to find friends stretched till new year's and it was at mona francis' party did i finally realise; i was lonely. even in that big rowdy crowd of young adults i felt the loneliest i had ever been.

that evening i went home before midnight and rang my parents. we sat and prattled on about nonsense, things we hadn't thought about in years. i laid on my tummy with my laptop on my pillow, chin resting on my palm and as my parents cheered on with the countdown playing on their tv miles away, it dawned on me that perhaps i was going to be alright. that being by myself wasn't the end of the world.

by march schoolwork had grasped me by the ankle and dragged me over thorns. i would spend my days attending lectures and my nights at the library. the librarian, ms bryne -- horrible woman, would kick me out every morning at 4 am when she'd come for her daytime shift.

there was no need for me to be studying like that. school was difficult but no one was pointing a gun at my forehead, commanding me to devout every hour of my day to bullshit like pathology.

well not bullshit since it was for saving people's lives but still, it wasn't supposed to be the first thing i thought of when i woke up and the last thing i saw before i dozed off on a creaky old wooden chair.

this was only my first year and i was wasting the energy i'd need for the next three years just because i didn't have anything else to do.

i had already explored the city on my own. ate at all the cafe's near my housing, befriended the corner store man, gave an alarming amount of money to the homeless person who pisses outside my window so he'd stop it, you name it.

i was hopeless. i could almost feel the hallow cavity inside of me, i was a mere shell of the person i used to be.

but then we crossed paths.

it was right after ms bryne had kicked me out of the library and demanded i went home and freshened up.. silly woman.

my walk back to my room was at once with the sun rising from her slumber. the streets were silent; it was all so peaceful i could feel the earth moving and for once the city gazed at me lovingly.

my feet felt light on the ground, arm swaying by my side and before i knew it i swanned across the pathway. now that i think of it, i must've looked so terribly silly. as if i were doing tai chi but whilst walking.

the skies stared at me dance along my way as the wind carried me forward, for a split second i felt like a person again, i felt like a--

"wow i'd like whatever you're having"

red, embarrassment, heat behind my ears; i couldn't feel the ground anymore.

there you were, sitting so casually on a dirty bench with your leg over the other and your right arm resting on the backrest.

a mysterious and attractive man witnesses me dance my way home like the looney woman i am, the situation felt nightmarish to be quite honest.

"um uhh well--" it was pointless. how do you explain this to someone.

'sorry, ive been down this past month and i felt like dancing so i could feel something'

as horrible as this was for me you seemed just as confused -- disgusted almost.

maybe the disgusted part was in my head but i wouldn't blame you if you were.

"weather felt nice" i stated, "thought i'd enjoy it a little"

though the statement made no sense, all i wanted was for this to be over with. it was all so impressively embarrassing, i doubt i could ever explain this story to someone in the future.

"ah" you nodded with a welcoming smile, clearly amused. "well i hope you continue to enjoy it"

i could feel my stomach churn as i walked by; this was ridiculous. i mustered up an awkward laugh followed with a short 'i sure will' and moved on with my route back to my room. this time, marching like a solider.

to me that was the end of our story.

the last of our encounters -- our only encounter.

i'd soon go back to being alone and you would turn into a distant memory.

but that wasn't the case.

.

a/n: helloooo this is such an awkward book im not sure why im even writing it.

im a big fan of tamino and i was supposed to watch him perform this march in boston but then covid happened T-T and now im back in pakistan so idk if i'll ever see him perform

i really thought my fanfic days were over but i was clearly mistaken.

hope you enjoyed it (it'll make more sense later on i promise)

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-shir