the poet

the first time you made me cry

i thought about you for 3 days after that.

well not just you, the whole tale. from the dancing to how horrible my walk must've looked after that. 

by april i had forgotten about you.

april meant spring. spring was so beautiful, it reminded me of tulips, tiny birds and burning passion. 

spring always made me yearn for the warmth of someone. not the kind of warmth your mother gives you or the kind you feel when you see a puppy. 

the scandalous kind. the kind that makes you feel light headed.

all that bottled up horniness accompanied by my loneliness could never had ended well.

back in march i had started looking for roommates. though impossible since everyone had long settled down, i was still hopeful there was a lost soul out there. 

surprisingly i was successful -- which isn't common. by the third day of april, naznina smith had moved into the room next to mine. 

she was a head shorter than me, had dark lustrous hair that fell down her back, slender upturned eyes that held a stare so powerful i was sure it could melt me into a puddle. 

naznina smith was intimidatingly attractive.

yet she had walls so tall that every time i turnt a conversation ever so slightly personal, i would immediately cower under the wrath of those big bad walls she had built. 

defeated, i went on with my days. 

but alas! mid april, one fine friday afternoon naznina knocked on my door. i was sprawled all over my tiny, creaky, barely stable bed watching one of those silly hollywood gossip videos. the door was wide open so there was no time to make myself more presentable for my professional relationship with naznina. 

"hi!" i cheered, shocked and excited i was being approached.

naznina smiled with her bottom lip -- like a crooked smirk, it was the first time i had seen such an expression. "hello" she mumbled, eyes boring on to my exposed tummy pooch "are you free tonight?"

where could this possibly be leading to?

"im free almost every night" i chuckled. i hadn't noticed how depressing that statement sounded until naznina gave me a concerned and questioning smile.

"well" she placed a hand on the door shifting her weight to a single leg, "a few of my friends are going out tonight to watch some mutual friends perform at that bar down on third street --"

"the one with the blue board that's down in the basement?" i enquired. that bar was such a fantastic spot. obviously i'd never been there. it was so posh and contemporary i would stick out like a sore thumb. 

"yeah, i was wondering if you'd like to be my plus one --"

"of course!" i exclaimed, clapping my hands together. "what's the dress code? casual? smart casual --" 

"anything." she snorted, pushing herself off the door "be ready by 9".

this was a breakthrough for humankind. naznina smith was asking me to spend time with her and her equally hot, cool and attractive friends. the hot, cool and attractive friends in question didn't seem to be expecting me though yet they seemed very curious. kept asking me things about myself -- even repeating a few questions. 

by the time the show started at midnight i was already tired and feeling lethargic, which was very out of character for me.

and just before i could excuse myself for the night i heard you sing. 

your voice was so mellow yet guttural -- a man's voice put to good use. your tune was unique too ... i couldn't have missed it and so i sat back down on my seat -- ignoring naznina's questioning stare and looked around the stage for you. 

you weren't hard to miss and so when my eyes caught you and it all registered in my head i had a tiny heart attack. or perhaps it was just a heartburn from all the chips.

there you were, the man on the bench now standing on a dimly lit stage singing to those tipsy people around us. 

somewhere in the night all those people sitting around me had made me feel wanted and yet as soon as your song hit my ears i could feel myself getting smaller. the room felt so quiet, i wasn't sure what i was feeling but i assumed this is how one would feel falling into the sea. 

was this a happy song? couldn't have been a sad one. 

were you yearning for someone? 

it was so beautifully written, you must've written all of your emotions into it. 

i could feel those emotions, it felt like i was back home, back in my city, at my parent's house, sitting on the cold balcony floor watching the sunrise. it felt as if i needed to get up soon and help my mom with breakfast, finish studying for my exam and go sit through it. 

i felt so broken. 

your song hadn't broken me, that year had. 

before you could finish your set i told everyone i felt ill and had to go home right there and then. that night i ran home to my laptop and rang my mom; she didn't pick up. 

i left a long voicemail for her full of pointless stories followed by complaints and dozed off in those clothes, on my old, second hand bed. 

when i woke up the next morning i had a voicemail from my mother asking me if i were alright, asking me why i was crying so hysterically and that if need be she could come visit me. 

i didn't know how to tell her that all that crying had been bottling up the second i left home, that i was worried something would happen to her or dad and i wouldn't be there to help them. 

that moment i thought of you and your song.

so haunting. 

both of you.

.

a/n: hiiii hope you liked it i wasnt too proud of this chapter and i know the story is kinda boring rn but i only know how to write slow burn lol im gonna try to make the next chapter better :33 

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- shir