Vicious Memories

Chapter 35

That afternoon I found my name written on a tree trunk.

We had no idea who killed Jessica or Sirus, who kidnapped Mads, how she had lost the baby, or if there was still looming danger. I questioned whether we could go out searching for the Strangers to see if they had any answers, but according to Gabriel they were like ghosts, jungle spirits who could disappear into the trees like fog.

So I had to pass much of the day back out on the farm, armed with a long hunting knife presented to me by Felix, responsible for both helping and protecting the group. All the other guards were given similar duties, split between the village, the fishing group, and the fruit gatherers. Hours ticked by slowly, marked by drops of sweat rolling down my forehead and the frustrating slowness of the sun crawling across the sky.

Anger and anxiety began to build. I wanted so badly to remember everything, but after all that had happened I was afraid of what it would mean if I did. Behind it all was an urge to run away, to deny the sense of responsibility that had been thrust so suddenly upon me, but in the end I couldn't imagine giving up on the people who had accepted me as one of their own - I couldn't give up on Jessica or Sirus or Mads.

I returned to the village past noon to run another round of fruitless interviews and questioning. There were no contradictions to be found, no porous alibis to find.

More time passed.

The sun descended to the west like a flaming meteor and I went out to patrol the jungle around the village. Insects chirped at me. The air was as hot and heavy as smoke. Shadows lengthened and grasped at their surroundings. Moss waved and danced of its own accord.

I started to the south, working west toward the creek that continued to swirl merrily downstream without a care for our troubles. My feet sloshed through the muddy bank as I walked up the opposite side of the water, moving through the deadwoods, marveling at the dead and rotting trees littering the ground for hundreds of yards. At north end of the village I tacked back east, deep into the jungle beyond the monkeypod tree.

A twig snapped, solitary thunder in the dusk.

I froze.

Fear and surprise were my stimulants of choice - I heard a tiny blue bird shuffling its feathers on a branch to my left, smelled the lavender flowers in the air, felt the gentle breeze comb through the hair on my forearms. I watched and listened intently, realizing now that this was where I had seen my ghostly revenant two nights ago, right after my fight with Arun.

I stalked forward, stepping softly.

A message waited for me in the next copse of trees.

Six willows stood in a gentle circle, ringing a giant oak tree whose trunk was larger than my wingspan. Dying orange light slashed through openings in the jungle canopy and picked out the pollen and dirt hanging in the air, transforming them into solid shafts of burnished copper. Everything swirled frantically for a moment, as if the air had been recently disturbed.

There was nobody else in sight.

Eight words had been carved into the trunk of the oak tree.

OLLIE

IT'S YOUR FAULT

YOU KNOW, DON'T YOU?

A spike of ice stabbed through my chest as I read the message three times in quick succession. I took my hand off the tree and shook it as if the words were covered in poison.

In some ways I wasn't actually surprised. The method of delivery might have been a little shocking, but not the content. I had already begun to blame myself for everything that was happening. Not just my inability to prevent it, but the timing of my arrival, too. Seeing an external indication of my fears made the crushing weight of it all even worse. It said that I was personally on the hook for everything that had happened and everything that might still come.

I turned over the events from a few days ago, the ones that had been playing through my mind on repeat. They'd been jarred out of storage by the implication of the words before me.

In my head I saw the drop of blood on the side of Cooper's neck after he had collapsed, before he sat up. I saw the way he had stepped in front of me to stop me from falling, right before everything started to go wrong. Had the blood been from his fall, or from something else? And if it was the latter, had that something else been meant for me?

Numbly, I drew my knife out of its brown leather sheath and used it to scratch away the message. The thought of anyone, especially Arun, finding this before I could figure out what to do was discomforting. As small pieces of bark flew through the air I thought again of Jessica's smile, of the way her eyes crinkled at the corners. I thought of Sirus's booming laugh and the unborn child Mads had lost.

Was it all my fault?

Once the message was erased I searched the area quickly, looking for anything helpful - a footprint, a piece of hair, a torn scrap of clothing - but there was nothing to be found. No sign of who had carved these words.

So I did the only thing I could. I turned away. I tried to ignore the message.

Well...

Shit.