Vicious Memories

Chapter 82

I walked around camp for the next hour with vigilant eyes and a knot in my gut.

There were a dozen tasks to complete, and I tried to help with them all. I put together the eight person group meant to go fishing and prepare food; I helped Ulrich, Felix's old colleague, direct the villagers as they dug trenches around the cabins and caves; I taught a group of villagers to make spears from the hardwoods; I gave out words of encouragement; I calmed those whose emotions were running too high.

"What would we do without you?" Finn and Tana asked.

I smiled, touched, and moved on to the next task.

The only person who'd didn't seem to care was Arun, whose gaze followed me everywhere I went. His head was freshly shaven, his spear swinging left and right as he used it to gesture and point. We avoided each other as much as possible.

I expected Alice to return after the first hour, but she didn't.

Clouds continued to gather in the west, but as of yet they seemed too afraid to approach the island in earnest.

Another thirty minutes passed.

I jogged around the village in a circle, stopping at each work group, but Alice was nowhere to be found.

"Shit," I muttered to myself.

My chest felt uncomfortably tight. A vice took my torso in steely talons and squeezed - I could feel its individual arms digging into the skin over my ribs, compressing my body until it began to cave in. It was difficult to breath. Accusations were carved into the silver surface of each crushing arm like scripture: You were too slow; You didn't figure it out fast enough; You let Felix kill Shana when you were just a few feet away; You never should have let Alice go off on her own today; It's your fault; Your fault; Your fault.

Nobody had seen her for over an hour.

I jogged to the caves, sweat starting to run down my temples like tiny salted sailors abandoning ship. I went to Alice's nook but found nothing. Calmly, I forced myself to assess her belongings, trying to determine if anything was out of place. It wasn't.

My footsteps echoed off the rock walls. My own cave was quiet and still. I half expected to find someone lurking in a shadowy corner, but all I saw in the darkness was a reflection of my own fear. There were no bloodstains on the walls, no debris on the floor, nothing out of place.

"Alice," I asked, "where are you?"

I looked over my meager possessions again. For all I knew they were the only evidence I'd ever existed. The paperback novel sat beaten and dog-eared, my folded clothes wrinkled and covered in a fine layer of dirt and dust. The only item in the entire cave devoid of dust was the folded white paper on top of my khaki pants, which seemed lonely and badly in need of a friend.

I turned to go, took one step, paused.

My mouth fell open and I spun around, racing to the stack of clothes and snatching up the folded paper. I nearly tore it in half in my haste.

The ink was still glossy. Words written in bold, blocky letters marched across the page, identical to the handwriting from the note left on Perry's body.

My hungry eyes devoured the words.

YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN THIS CLOSE. I SHOULDN'T HAVE, EITHER.

IF YOU WANT ALICE BACK, COME TO THE HIGHLANDS IN THE NORTH. IT'S A PLACE YOU WOULD KNOW BETTER IF YOU COULD REMEMBER, BUT THAT'S YOUR FAULT, NOT MINE.

COME ALONE. IF YOU BRING ANYONE WITH YOU OR TRY TO WARN THE VILLAGE, SHE DIES.

YOU HAVE UNTIL ONE O'CLOCK.

The note vibrated in my trembling hand. My organs switched places freely - my heart beat in my head, my stomach twisted in my chest, my intestines wrapped themselves around my limbs.

As my fingers curled and straightened, curled and straightened, the paper in them made a satisfying crinkling sound. With great effort I stopped myself from moving and read the words again, the black ink searing itself into my brain. Then I read them again. And again. And again, until I had them memorized. It felt better to mechanically flick my eyes from left to right than to listen to the deafening noise beginning to unfurl in my head.

Did this really happen? I wondered. Had Alice been taken away that easily? Did it all come down to the words written on this single piece of paper?

I knew the answers before I even asked the questions, the way a child knows the answer his mom will give him when he asks for ice cream after bedtime. I knew the answers because I knew who had written the note. I had seen who was missing from the village thirty minutes ago. I knew who had Alice.

The only thing I didn't know was what I'd never gotten out of Felix... Why? Why do any of it?

As I stood up from my crouch I knew that once I left this cave nothing wild be peaceful again - not until everything was finally through.

You would think that the decision would be an easy one, but it wasn't. There was a difference between staying and going.

I wanted to stay. If I stayed I could help the village finish preparing for what would be a fight for their lives. I could pretend the note was fake. I could fight against the people who'd been terrorizing us. In my mind it was the Strangers, more than anyone else, who were the key to unlocking the mystery of where we really were, how we'd gotten here. If we knew whether they had their memories, we might be able to solve everything.

But going meant saving Alice. It meant abandoning the villagers during the attack, because the meeting point was over three hours away and I wouldn't be back in time. It meant leaving right now. If I didn't go after Alice and the note proved real, if I never had the chance to speak with her again, to hold her hand, to look into her eyes - I would never forgive myself.

I tried to consider other options. Could I bring someone else? The note said Alice would die, and I doubted we could avoid being spotted. Wait until after the fight? I had just three hours until she was killed, and the fight wouldn't come to the village until sunset. Save her and get back in time? That would mean sprinting there and back with no time wasted in between, which wasn't likely.

My options teetered back and forth on the scales of decision. Stay or go... discover the truth of my past or do something my future self would be proud of...

When the choices settled, they did so with a dull thud of finality.

I carefully gathered a few things and left the cave. In the process I broke the thin barrier that trapped what peace and serenity was left on the island within it, and ran headlong toward the chaos outside.