Vicious Memories

Chapter 67 - Eva

60 Months Ago

"One hundred is too many."

"The more the better."

"Not always." Eva frowned, thinking. "We can't control a group that large. Twenty to forty, max."

Liam drummed his fingertips on the wrought iron table, a staccato tune that played havoc with Eva's nerves. He regarded her with casually calculating eyes, lips twitching slightly. His hair had grown considerably since they had first met, and he played with a lock of it before pushing it out of his face with a delicate motion.

"Are you just worried that if we use more people, more will inevitably die?"

"Why would that bother me?"

"You know why."

Completing their circle around the table, The Doctor stiffened, sitting up straighter. Eva could feel his eyes flicking back and forth between her and Liam.

Rage, unfathomable, acidic, all-encompassing rage flared up inside her, making the world go dim. Heat raced up the back of her neck and made her scalp tingle. Her hands clenched into involuntary fists beneath the table, and from the look on Liam's face he noticed it happening. Eva's nostrils flared, the scent of pollen and something like ash shooting straight into her brain.

How dare he?

A pressure against her suede boot made her look down, and she saw that The Doctor had shifted in his chair, touching the toes of his own shoe to her foot. She looked up to find his clear eyes looking right at her - stable, controlled, soothing.

She took a deep breath of the late Spring air, held it in for a moment, then let it out slowly. A soft yellow sun peeked through the clouds above them, brightening the interior courtyard with gentle waves of light. It was a beautiful west coast day.

After a moment she got her emotions under control. It had been a near miss, and she felt unaccountably grateful to The Doctor for saving her. For a heartbeat she wished that she wasn't so flawed, that her control didn't matter so much to her, but the fact of the matter was that it did. Losing it would have sent her into a dark place for a long time.

"Yes," she said coldly, pretending the uncomfortabe silence had never happened, "thank you for reminding me that you've read my file. That has nothing to do with it. You aren't part of the science or the psychology. I wouldn't expect you to know the proper amount of participants for this stage."

"Well," Liam drawled, "it's just that since the latest breakthrough allows us to move forward to initial trials, the director has grown quite agitated. It did take six months, after all."

"As we said it would."

"And I told you three would be better."

"Zero would have been better," The Doctor hissed, "but we don't live in a land where idiotic wishes come true."

"No. We don't. Too true, too true. Which is why we should start with one hundred participants. The more data we can gather, the quicker we can move forward."

Silence fell for a time as the three of them retreated to the comfort of their combative thoughts. The research facility around them vibrated with activity. If she closed her eyes, Eva imagined she could hear the whir of lab equipment, the soft strains of classical music, and the quick excitement of hushed whispers.

"No." She broke the silence with finality. "Forty at the most."

"The more you argue, the more I wonder." That infernal staccato drumming again. "The director will be most displeased, and I'm sure your history will be one of the major concerns he brings up."

"And what part is concerning? Please. Do tell. The Doctor knows it all, no need to hold back on his account."

Liam arched a delicate eyebrow in a question mark, but plowed forward anyway. "What part isn't concerning?" he asked. "You found your birth mother living on death row, which must have been quite a shock. She was pregnant when they arrested her, isn't that right? You were adopted by a Jewish family who couldn't have children of their own. They raised you right. But we have records of the appeals you submitted to the court for your mother's release. The first from when you were fourteen, the last right before she was killed. You were... seventeen? Your evidence was quite compelling, actually, and I truly am sorry that it wasn't enough."

"And you think that makes me too sympathetic toward death row inmates?"

"I don't know what it makes you, but I do know what it doesn't. And that is objective."

"Bullshit. I couldn't care less about death row inmates. It was only the one that didn't deserve to be there that mattered to me."

"I don't believe you."

"I don't care what you believe, to be frank."

"Very well. Then look me in the eye right now and tell me that you didn't get into this field in the first place because of what happened to your birth mother."

"You're out of line," The Doctor said in a low, warning tone, rising from his chair.

Eva nearly exploded, her breath coming in angry gasps, shallow and unsatisfying. She wanted to scream at Liam, to kick him out of the facility, to get him thrown off the project, to ask The Doctor to hit him square in his smug face. But she knew he couldn't. Not only because he reported to someone far above her pay grade, but also because he was right. She had started this entire line of research because of what happened to her birth mother. She'd thought that if she could provide an alternative to death row, it could be used to prevent anything like that from happening to other people in similar worst case scenarios.

Now, though... Now it was so much more than that. So, so much more.

She smiled gratefully up at The Doctor and motioned for him to sit down. "It's okay. Really, it is. Thank you."

With a great effort she evened out her breathing, using one of the many meditation techniques her best friend had taught her. A wry smile came to Eva's lips as she thought about what her friend would say if she saw her getting into this stupid argument. She couldn't wait to talk about it later - to complain and rage until she had vented her frustration enough to feel better, more in control.

She looked Liam in the eye.

"I got into the field because of what happened, yes, but it's been a long time since that was my sole motivation. I'm telling you, right here and now, that one hundred is too many. Forty is the maximum viable amount. I won't participate in any trial above that number, and you can't finish this without me."

He scowled. Eva could see that he was unconvinced by her argument, but she knew he had no choice to accept her professional opinion. He stopped drumming his fingers on the table and sat back in his chair, glowering.

"Forty it is," he said. "I'll put everything in motion after I report back to the director."

"Very well."

The three of them stood up and Liam gave Eva and The Doctor a last, lingering look. Standing there with his longer hair pushed back by a headband, he fleetingly gave off a college quarterback vibe. Today had dressed down in a t-shirt and gym shorts, purposely flaunting the unofficial dress code in the facility.

Eva hated him for it, and the anxiety coursing beneath the surface of her skin prickled uncomfortably. They would have to do something about him eventually, or he would ruin the entire project. Eva knew that much with certainty. But Liam was a problem that they currently had no solution for.

She squashed those thoughts for now, trying to focus solely on the positive.

It was finally happening. They were about to begin.