Vicious Memories

Chapter 62

"I can't... I don't know what..."

Bev looked around desperately, her face pleading. Behind us people began to shout. Arun tried to give instructions; nobody listened.

I took Bev's cold hands in mine.

"I'm a nurse, not a trauma surgeon," she stammered.

"I know," I said softly. "But we have to try."

Her breathing hitched once, twice, then steadied. She nodded. "Shirts!" she called to the group behind us. "I need shirts, rags, anything you can get me."

"No," Felix mumbled, flinching away from Bev as she rushed to his side. "No! Just let me die. Let me go. Please..."

"Shhh," Bev said, accepting shirts from Cooper, Arun, and Alice.

We tied them around Felix's wrists as tightly as we could. He stared up at us weakly, his face already a ghastly white, the circles of blood around him crying out like a siren telling the world that it was too late, it was over already, there was no use in trying.

I knelt next to him as Arun and Alice looked down at us. Gabriel came forward, his face twisted as if he couldn't decide whether he should be distraught or exultant - Jessica's killer had gotten what he deserved.

The shirts turned a damp red within a seconds. Nobody was under any illusions that Felix would make it, not without proper medical facilities, not on this godforsaken island. The air went out of the room with a near-audible whoosh, leaving us with echoes of uneven breathing and the shallow whistle of Felix's lungs vainly trying to keep him alive.

He looked over at me. His eyes glowed fever-bright. The pool of blood reached my right knee, the contact wet and disquieting, sending chills down my spine. I fought the urge to get up move away.

"I'm not a bad person," Felix said into the silence. "Not anymore. I did what I had to do. I did what I had to..."

I looked up and exchanged a look with Alice.

"What did you have to do, Felix?" Gabriel asked. "Where did you get the razor?"

"To save the others," Felix said. "But I didn't kill her, Gabriel. I didn't. Not Jessica. I didn't mean for that one to happen. I didn't kill her. But I didn't listen. Oh god, why didn't I listen!"

His eyes rolled wildly left and right. I grabbed his shoulder, hoping the physical contact would bring him back to us, but he just shook his head back and forth. He looked at each of us in turn: me, Gabriel, Arun, Alice, Bev. The second time around his eyes were wide and crazed, full of fear. They fixed on Bev for a long moment, then moved down to his arms, then up once more, as if asking whether she could save him.

She shook her head back and forth. No.

His eyes hardened and returned to Gabriel. "After Jessica died, I had to. I had to. You just don't understand." He coughed weakly, then stilled. Tears rolled down his cheeks. When his voice came back it sounded like a ghost rasping through a drain-pipe. "They explained my memory to me. The house. My wife and kids. They knew it all. They told me..." he mumbled to himself for a few seconds. "And I did not touch Mads. Don't know what happened. But Sirus. Shana. Good god, I'm so sorry about them." He looked down at me, then over to Bev. "They made me!" he screamed. "They made me!"

He let out a loud breath that whined ominously. He looked at Gabriel, that tall paragon of power and safety that had shepherded him through two years of purgatory. His lids drooped, but before they fell closed for the final time, he uttered words that sent daggers of ice twisting through all of our hearts.

"They remember..." he said. "They remember everything..."

And just like that, without a single sympathetic eye to watch his passing, Felix slipped away from us.

"Wait," I said desperately. "Felix. Where did you get the razor? Who gave it to you?"

He didn't respond.

Bev shook her head sadly. I let my hand fall away from his shoulder.

The air in the cabin froze, the warmth of the evening no match for Felix's final words. His blood seeped into the dirt beneath us, saturating the earth and making its steady passage downward. Nobody could have said where its journey ended; perhaps at the very roots of the world.

Eventually Alice knelt down in front of Felix's body. With aching tenderness she used her fingers to wipe the tear tracks from his cheeks and shut his eyes.

"We know what to do now," she said.

Bev got to her feet and looked down at her futile attempt to save Felix's life. She quickly averted her eyes. Her shoulders shook.

"What, Alice?" Arun asked. "There are too many questions to even think about dealing with. What was he talking about at the end? Was he admitting to two of the murders, but saying he didn't kill Jessica? That doesn't make any sense. And who still has their memories? Was he referring to a Stranger? I want to know how he got his hands on the goddamn razor. Salvador, Christopher! Get in here!"

"No," Alice said softly. Her face was serene. "We can deal with all of that soon enough. We'll have to. But first we need to lay this to rest. Lay him to rest. So we can all move on."

She looked up sadly.

"He was part of our family, once. We have to bury him."

Her gold eyes blazed, begging one of us to disagree with her.

Nobody did.