Subjects

26- Three Little Words

"I can't believe I let you drag me into this," Eva whispers at Ben as they swiftly make their way across the main deck.

"Come on, it's not like you were going to sleep now anyway," Ben stops when they hear steps up ahead. The steps are getting further away until it is safe to keep going. "By the way, do you know how to get to the weather deck?"

"No, why would I know that?" Eva feels like it's been so long since the two of them had an actual conversation. To be alone with Ben it somehow both nice and scary. As long as she doesn't look him in the eyes, she should be safe. "You were the one who interviewed every single crew member on this ship. Didn't you think to ask how to get there?"

"I did," Ben says, he stops again and after a second keeps moving. "I just thought that maybe you've been there already because you're never around. What are you doing by yourself all day, anyway?"

"I'm not by myself all the day," Eva gets defensive and forgets to keep her voice down. "And if I feel like being alone from time to time then it's none of your business."

"There it is," Ben points to a door at the back of the deck.

Ben takes out the key Jeff gave him and opens the door. They go inside and Eva closes the door quietly. In front of them there is a staircase leading to what seems to be the weather deck. They walk up the stairs and emerge into the cold night air.

The weather deck is the smallest deck of the ship, but it is by far the coolest one. From where they stand, they can see the whole ship and the wide ocean spreading around it. The dark water go on to the horizon and it is impossible to tell when the ocean ends and the sky starts.

The stars. All around them they see them shining in the endless black and lighting up in galaxies far, far away. In the city you don't get to see the world like this, in all it's might, glory, beauty. Tonight the world is their's and they are the world's. As small as they feel, it doesn't scare them.

"This is amazing," Eva says. She stands right where she is, looking up at the sky, she feels like for once there is nothing but this sense of greatness that the world is letting her feel tonight.

Ben, as much as he likes photography, never had the soul of an artist. Plus, he forgot to bring his camera. He leans on one of the weather thingies and hopes it doesn't break. He knows what he wants to say, he's just not sure how to start.

"Eva," a good start, Ben. Now you just have to put some words together. Eva hears him, but she's still standing with her back to him, "I know that something is going on with you and it's okay if you don't want to tell me but you should know that you're not the only one who's having a hard time dealing with everything and... You don't have to do this alone."

Eva turns around to look at Ben. She has so many things she wants to say, more than she ever did probably, but she can't put it to words yet.

"You can talk to me," Ben says.

"Is this why you wanted me to come?"

"No," he says. "I just missed you."

Eva looks down. She doesn't believe in crying. According to her, it is just a stupid way to make people feel sorry for you. For a second there she forgets that she doesn't believe in crying, "I missed you too."

Ben comes closer when he hears her shaky voice, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you sad," he walks up to her and embraces her in a hug. "Let's talk about something else, tell me about home."

Eva smiles into Ben's shoulder and the moist in eyes is gone. "At home everything was so simple. Easy. I'd be going to Henry's for breakfast any other day, shopping, movies, going to the private teacher my dad made me go to. I was going to become an interior designer. You would have hated me if we ever met."

"Why?" Ben says. For the first time since ever, Ben is feeling like maybe this isn't real. The stars, the sea, and Eva, it seems more like a dream. Or maybe it's Eva's shampoo that, according to the label, is supposed to smell like 'Lavender Dream'. Who knows.

"You know why," Eva says. "I mean, when we first met, you couldn't stand me." Ben's silence confirmed her accusation. "My dad says that I'm like my mom. He never talks about her too much so I don't know what he means but I know for sure that her drawings are way better than mine, I found some of them in the attic once. Most of them my dad sold when I was a baby but he kept a few, a painting of our old house, a painting of me, the first one she made after giving birth. She was an artist."

Ben doesn't know what to say, Eva never opened up like this before. He isn't aware of how comforting his presence alone is. They slowly part and before Ben can put a word in Eva turns to the ocean and keeps talking. "My dad is the best person I know. I mean, he is the type of person to say the opposite of what I want to hear, but somehow he's always right. I just wish that I'd have listened more instead of arguing all the time. I loved our Sunday picnics more than anything and somehow I ruined them every single time. Once I got mad at a group of bikers who stopped next to us to take a break and... Let's just say that I'm now banned from that park."

"Was it that bad?"

"Oh yeah, apparently one of them was allergic to peanuts. How was I supposed to know that?"

Ben really tries not to ruin the serious moment but after that sentence he just cracked up and started laughing like he didn't do in weeks. It is so good to just let go, finally.

"My dad is never mad when I get upset and do something stupid like that. That is what's so great about him. Even when I took it out on him he never got mad," Eva wishes she hadn't thought back to their last fight.

"I wish my dad was that supportive, all he wants is for me to quit my YouTube channel and focus on my studies, become a lawyer and come work for him," but Ben was never at home long enough to even get into a fight about this.

"I got to admit," Eva says. "When we first met I thought you were Leo's younger brother or something."

"I wish! I always wanted a big brother," or any brother at all, really.

"Me too," Eva admits. "Hey, maybe when we find Leo we can ask him to be our big brother, I'm sure he'll go along."

When Ben says nothing Eva turns to him, concerned, "Ben? Is everything okay?"

Now Ben is the one to avoid her eyes, and he never does that. "I need to tell you something."

"What is it, then?" Eva asks. "Your scaring me."

Ben looks up, "Leo is dead."