Subjects

35- The Way Is Shut, Now You Must Die

At the hour that Emily wakes up, you can hardly call it morning anymore. As usual, Eva is still asleep, Ben is already gone, and Roger is somewhere in between. Angie still sleeps and in between herself Emily has to admit that it is a relief.

In the last two days, since Ben told Angie that Leo died, it felt like they are all somehow connected to her. Emily can certainly feel the way Angie desperately holds on to them, the way they share her grief. Ever since they met, Angie always showed that she is a people's person, but she never was afraid of being alone, or being away from the four of them.

"Good morning," Emily whispers to Roger as she grabs her disposable toothbrush out to the bathroom. When she is back, she can feel something has changed even before reaching the room. She just feels sad, miserable even, like nothing really matters anymore. Angie is awake

Emily walks into the room and does her best to put a smile on. The girl is still in bed, probably trying to hold on to the dream she dreamt just now. Emily sits at the edge of Angie's bed and plants a soft kiss on her forehead.

Angie slowly opens her eyes, she isn't smiling like she always does in the morning. Emily gently strokes her hair. "How are you feeling?" she asks Angie.

"I want to sleep," Angie says hesitantly.

"Sleep, then," Emily pulls up Angie's blanket and tucks her in.

"Wait," Angie grabs Emily's hand before she can leave. "I don't want to be alone."

Emily smiles as incouragingly as she can feeling as she does right now. She sits on Angie's bed and the little girl curls up in her lap. Emily can tell when Angie fell asleep, like a switch being flipped she suddenly can breath normally again. As she looks down at the little girl she allows herself for the first time in weeks to think about home.

Home, where even in the middle of the night it wasn't as quiet as it is now. Where there is always warmth and life, just something in the air that always feels the same. Where the twins are always up to something and her baby brother is somehow managing to empty her entire school bag's contents in the two minutes when she looks away.

But most of all she misses Cris. Cris, who always insists on spelling his name without an H, and never hesitates when someone asks him why. "From the name Cristiano, it's Italian," he always says. He would have been so proud if he could see the work she did on the spaceship. A spaceship! How crazy is that? If Cris knew she was in space... It was always his dream to be an astronaut, but somewhere around the age of fifteen, when they lost Adam, he realized it is now his job to take care of the family, and started fixing cars.

It is easy for her to be brave now, for some reason. At home she never was that brave. She was too busy worrying about home, her family, Cris's garage, making sure everybody are happy and healthy and not hungry. What if something has happened to them? What if they need her now, and she left them? Emily knows that she had no choice, Leo made sure of it, but she still feels like she did something wrong.

Cris told her she should go, he can handle things on his own for a few months and she needs the scholarship. He used to show off about her, like having a genius for a sister is some kind of accomplishment, but Emily would be lying if she'd say she doesn't like how Cris is so proud of her. When mom was too sick to come to her parent-teacher evenings, he would always make time, even though Emily suspects that it has something to do with her teacher, Ms. Dale, who used to go to school with Cris. At least now that she's not home he doesn't have to sleep on the couch.

Monsters never scared Emily, still don't. As long as these monsters don't go anywhere near her family, she can live with them existing. The way she sees it, there are some people that are way worse than any monster can ever be.