ANTHOLOGY

A # 3: I found myself

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I found myself
I found myself having troubles of sleeping again
Having nightmares or sweetdreams, cannot really compare

I found myself
I found myself stuck in a place again
Feeling nostalgia and cloud 9, cannot really complain

I found myself
I found myself back in reality again
Getting in touch again with you is probably the worst thing that happened

I found myself
I found myself questioning my worth, and my existence
Wondering if what happened between the two of you and between me and him really defines what hides

I found myself
I found myself writing these tragic poems again
Realized that maybe I write tragic poems efficiently because they are my own life to tell

I found myself
I found myself wondering what if we happened
It would probably be the second worst thing that could happen

I found myself
I found myself crying and feeling all the excruciating emotional trauma you gave
Feeling all those with another man makes me really think that what you did is the definition of my name

I found myself
I found myself asking if I was just an accident
The sin you made really gets to me and histories got around almost just the same

I found myself
I found myself tied with these thoughts and feelings again
Funny, how these thoughts are captivating just like the dream i was having in my head right now

I found myself
I found myself mesmerized with the feeling and the thought of sleeping to dream
Lost and trapped and wanted escape from your hands that made me scream

I found myself
I found myself exhausted with all the pain and all the wounds that never heal
How can I be better when you're still here with me

I found myself
When I found myself happy again
I literally hope I won't be back, trapped with the thought that I am still on your hands by then

I found myself
I found myself still seeking and asking, in hurting me what did you gain?
Intelligence makes us crazy, understanding can cause us pain

I found myself
I found myself hiding and at the same time looking for the answer
Looking for the best answer to my question, what made all these harder?

I found myself
I found myself broken because of you
Despair is all I can think of and all I can feel when I learn about the truth

Because

I found myself
I found myself forever stitched with your name
I found my life still synced with yours
I found out that, how can I cut someone off my life when all you did was define the worst in me that until now I can't find the cure
I found myself then, trying to find the light in the dark, how you surround me makes me cry for help

I found myself
I found myself asking, how can I heal myself when you're still with me?
Haunting me in my dreams and making a living hell in my reality

Until when will I found myself, traumatized with the feeling that maybe I can't save myself because this is how it started
Im scared to found myself doing the things I don't really wanna do, that all I do is with hatred

I found myself
I found myself perplexed on what to do with all of my mess
But then again, I hope that I am more than what you made me felt

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