Blurbs of Thoughts

us

one of our favorite things to do was to sit on the phone for hours, talking crap about one another and laughing about it. you'd begin to play your video game and i would make fun of your geeky ways with a smile on my face. you would watch me pick up a book and laugh, telling me how much of a nerd i was. this would continue back and forth, our giggling overtaking the call as our families would look at us, unknowing of the mischief taking place. the best parts would be when one of us came up with an utterly wise crack, one that would make us pause while the other person tried to find something to say that could even equal the comment. you were always better than i, making fun of my little quirks, yet i beamed as you beat me to the next line, enjoying the happiness winning brought you. our phone calls were always more interesting when we did this. the day we decided to call it quits, you didn't call me. this makes it difficult, as now i don't remember your face telling me the words. i hear your words play over and over in my head, in voices that are not only yours. you said you loved me, and told me i deserved more than you. you smiled weekly with tears beginning to build up in your eyes. you apologized over and over. if i was just a little quicker, i would have poked fun at your softness, teasing you about the tears. i could've laughed at your lack of ability to call and tell you this is why i was leaving you for david beckham. i could've made jokes about every little thing going on in that specific moment, my family confused as they walked in to see tears building up in my eyes as i giggled about all of the unspoken jokes i had yet to tell you. but i didn't. i didn't make jokes, i didn't laugh. instead, i said it's okay. but what i meant was it's not okay. i meant why are we doing this? i meant don't leave me. i meant please just try harder for me. i meant let's give us a little more time. i meant who will make fun of me and laugh at my jokes, delighted that he has won my heart.