Probably, A Trip

Chapter Twenty Two

"Thank you for coming, enjoy the night!"

Pagkasabi noon ni Bon ay ngumiti siya at itinaas ang champaigne glass na ginawa ng lahat. Tipid akong tumango at itinaas ang wine glass ko. Umalis siya sa stage at naglakad papunta sa 'kin. Madami pa siyang nakasalamuha at nakipagkwentuhan muna bago dumeretso sa 'kin. I want to disappear. Masyadong kakaiba ang mga nangyayari. I shouldn't be here in the first place.

"Are you bored?" He asked when he came closer and sat beside me. I looked at my nails and played it to ease the awkwardness I was feeling. Naaamoy ko ang mabangong gel ng buhok niya at ang amoy niyang hindi nagbago halos dalawang taon ang nakalipas.

His scent that I really love since before.

His presence that really gives shiver everytime he's beside me and staring at me.

Napatingin ako sakanya nang hawakan niya ang kamay kong hindi mapakali.

"Is everything alright? Is there something bothering you--" I cut him off.

"I have. So please, I need to go. Happy Birthday ulit." I told him and stood up. Walang kamay na pumigil sa 'kin kaya nakapunta ako sa sasakyan ko nang walang kahirap-hirap.

Pero akala ko hindi siya sumunod. Akala ko hinayaan niya na ako. Bubuksan ko pa lang sana ang pinto ng kotse nang may humawak sa kamay ko at isinandal ako doon. He kissed me roughly!

Agad ko siyang sinampal at itinulak, tears starting to fall.

"How dare you! Bon please! Stop this nonsense! We both know that our relationship will never be back like before. Pwede bang isuksok mo 'yon sa utak mo?!"

He was about to come closer when I motioned my hand to stop him.

"Don't come near me please... please Bon.. don't ever make me weak again. Don't make me fall in your trap again. I don't want to feel another pai---"

"Sa tingin mo sasaktan kita ulit? Sa tingin mo uulitin ko ulit yung ginawa ko noon? Ches, hindi ko ginusto yon! I never wanted and expected I'll do that! Kung hindi buhay ni daddy ang nakasalalay, baka... baka hanggang ngayon tayo pa rin!"

I held my breath and looked at him straight in the eyes. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko ico-construct yung tamang sasabihin sakanya pero nakapagsalita pa rin ako kahit na pumupuyok yung boses ko.

"I d-on't want... I don't want to be with you again. A-yoko na. Please..."

I put my both hands on my face when I saw his eyes full of pain. Pinahid ko ang luha ko at ginulo ang buhok. He was just looking at me with his sorrowful eyes.

"You really don't want to be with me." He stated like he really knew it. Gusto ko biglang bawiin ang sinabi ko pero nasabi ko na. Napakinggan na niya. Sinaktan ko na siya.

"Halos dalawang taon ni hindi ako tumingin sa ibang babae. Ni hindi ako naghanap. Ni hindi ko binigay ang atensyon ko sa iba. It's always you, Ches. And then when I came back again, to settle things out, to be a good man to you, and to be your man, you're pushing me away."

My tears fell continously. Ni hindi ako makatingin sakanya. I don't know my self anymore. I don't know why I'm acting like this. It was so complicated. Hindi ko maintindihan!

"You're pushing me away and it hurts so much." He added.

When I looked at him, he's facing the floor and his both hands was on his waist. Ginulo pa niya ang buhok niya bago tumingin sa 'kin.

"But you know what, kahit masakit hindi ko na ulit uulitin na lumayo at hayaan kang mawala. Because I want to be with you Ches and please... please let me." He told me and went closer to kissed my forehead.