It's Not You, It's Me

Untitled Part 1

“It’s not you, it’s me!” It’s been two months since I had heard his last words. His words are like bullets that passed through my heart. He just left me clueless. He didn’t even look back and asked if I’m okay. But he just walked straight pretending that nothing didn’t happen.

            I also remember how stupid I was to wait for him for 3 hours. I’m hoping that he’ll come back for me. Wishing that he would say, “I’m sorry; I just don’t know what to do. I had made a wrong decision. I can’t without you.” But unfortunately, all of those are just wishes that will never be granted.

            People may think that I’m going to be insane because I’ve been hurt by my first love yet I’m still reminiscing the moments that we’ve shared together for four year of our relationship.

            Now, I’m here at the park where everything started and eventually end. As I walk, I saw our favorite bench and for the nth time, I cry again. This is the bench where he confessed to me. Way back then, he was just my best friend. He was the only guy who makes me feel special and safe. Everyday after school, we always went to this park, do whatever we want to do. Even if sometimes we’re talking nonsense; he still is making a way to make it special. Until one day, something unexpected happened.

            We were about to leave the park when he spoke words that made me stop from what I’m doing.

            “Christine Wu, can you be my girlfriend?” I was shocked. My heart beats a thousand times more than the normal. I expect that he would ask that to me.

            “What?” I asked. I’m trying to confirm what I’ve heard.

            “I earned all my strength and courage just to tell you those words yet you didn’t hear it. I didn’t even have the time to sleep because I don’t know how to tell you. Now, you’re telling me that you didn’t hear me.” I almost laugh at his facial expression and the way he reacted. He looks so disappointed.

            “I heard it. I just want to confirm if I heard the right thing.” I replied.

            “You heard it? So, is that a ‘yes’? Are we official no?” He asked with a pleading tone.

            “You know everything will never be the same after this, right?” I answered him bluntly.

            “I know, but if I didn’t tell those today, I will regret it for the rest of my life. It’s better for me to take a risk instead of not telling you my real feelings. So now that I had confessed to you, can I now get your answer?” He replied.

            I’ll be honest, I like him ever since. In fact, I think it’s not like anymore maybe its love. On that moment I realized that I’m in love with my bestfriend.

            “I think taking risk is not bad after all. You’ll help me face the consequences of our action if there are, right?” I asked.

            “Of course, I’ll promise you that I’ll do everything just to make sure that there will be no consequences and that we made the right the decision.” He answered.

            “Then, I’ll hold on that promise.” I replied with my sweetest smile.

            “So, it’s that a ‘yes’?” He asked me for assurance.

            “Yes!” I answered with a big smile. Then he just jumped with joy in his heart.

            I never imagine a day without him. I just hold unto his promise that he’ll love me until his last breath. But those are just promises. And I’m so stupid to forget that ‘promises are made to be broken’. We both took the risk yet I’m the only one who faced the consequences. It’s not just our love which is broken into pieces but also the foundation of our friendship is ruined.