The Urge to Kill

2

So, I guess I've got some explaining to do, right? You promise you won't show this to anyone though, right? You wouldn't betray me like that, right? I know everything about you so you're defenceless, right? You do know what I can do to you if you tell anyone, right? ...Umm, ha, sorry. I get a little enthusiastic sometimes, that's if I truly mean it. Passion is everything, I'll act on my passion if it tells me to. Anyways, where was I? Oh, right, so about this...

Think about a murderer. What comes to mind? Your probably thinking about someone with mental issues, family problems and a lack of emotion. After all, that is what drives them to kill, right? Well, I'd go as far to say that you're the one who's wrong. I'm not denying that cold-blooded psychopaths with a crazy lust for blood don't exist, what I'm trying to say is that not all murderers are like that.

Okay, okay. I'll finally spit it out. Look, I know you don't actually know me well or anything, but your giving me a weird look, I can tell. This is something that's been the dead weight on my shoulders I've carried for years, and I got rid of it not too long ago. It's been my one desire for so long. It's been the only thing I can think about at times. I know you want to know what it is, you should have deducted that by now, but I can't tell if you have. I guess I'll just say it as it is. So, have you ever wondered what's it like to kill?

I'm sure we all have things like this that seem strangely appealing. Like once, when I was out watching people, I saw a couple kids sitting on the banks of a river down by the trail under the bridge, playing on their phones, when one of them turned to the other.
"Do you have the urge to throw your phone in the water?" And the other one replied
"Yes, I do, but I'm obviously not going to! But yet I want to even though that's a really stupid thing to do..!"
Clearly, it's a thing. Doing something you don't want to do, yet, it seems weirdly appealing...ha. Another example is when your standing on top of a really tall building, like , REALLY tall building and something inside you whispers
"Jump off! Go! Jump! Do it! Jump off!" You're obviously not going to, 'cause that would kill you, but your brain automatically says it anyways! Well, essentially, it's the same thing with killing.

Listen, I am just your average looking girl. I'm going to university, I have a pet cat, I like playing piano, and writing! It's interesting, no? Well, my point is I'm not anything like a heartless human with a strong will to kill, that's not my life at all! But ever since I was maybe eleven or twelve, I've had an urge. An urge to kill somebody. Doesn't the action of murder call out to you like it's been calling out to me? Haven't you been hearing the calls, wishing you to murder somebody? Haven't you?? ....Sorry, ha, umm...Okay, hear me out, I know this sounds horrible. It's just that I've wondered for so long what it feels like to kill someone. What it's like to end someone's life. What it's like to permanently erase someone from this universe. I need to know. I need to satisfy the hunger, the craving, the lust, the desire, to end a life. I want to feel something I've never felt before. I want to feel responsible for a death. I want to kill. I want to kill. I want to k i l l.

(630 words)