Layers [√]

[ the birthright heritage ]

no one told me
that being the eldest means
you get to become an emotional vessel
for others to fill despite being
an empty cavern of self-imposed exile and
fragile courage standing on feet deep
in twenty years' worth of
your father's footsteps

a heroine on the verge of a
power outrage in the middle of her city

no one told me
that being the eldest means
you get to become a keeper of wounds
from somebody else's war despite
being a carrier of spoils from the
battlefield that is your heart such
a scared frayed machine beating with
half-meant pulses shoulders drawn
inward from bearing everybody's troubles

an Atlas on the cusp of loosening
his embrace on his beloved gaia

no one told me
that being the eldest means
you get to become an extension
of yourself long limbs but longer patience
to hold everybody grounded together
despite being out of gravitational force
that nausea creeps into your throat
as you feel yourself turning inside out
acid threatens to drip from your lips
a destructive vitriol hidden behind
beastly family reunions

ah to be the eldest!

one cannot help but be a paradox of lies