year 1.

submerged in the fuckery of love

i was drowning,
in lukewarm water that tastes familiar.
and i wonder, why does it taste familiar?
why does the water im choking on taste so,
awfully familiar?

i wake up violently, grasping for freedom.
my chest feels broken,
my ribcages feels like you threw the key
and took a knife to my heart.

i spilled out my love and myself to you,
similar to how the water spills out of my lungs.
but you poured another glass of it
and forced me to drown,
again and again and again.

its not until now that i realize just how trapped i was,
how your insults held the machete to my already shattered heart.

funny how
all you needed to do was to tell me
how you never cared enough to want to help me.
all you needed to do was tell me
i was too much of a chore for you.
all you needed to do was tell me
you didn't want to facetime me because all i did was cry.
all you needed to do was tell me
you wasted your time trying to help me heal from open wounds everywhere, crawling and aching, inside my body.

i hope you feel accomplished
when you see my body struggling to regain strength after being held captive to a love
i thought was real.

-m