year 1.

now that you're gone:

i am afraid of the vulnerability
of knowing that if i ever become someone's
first choice again,
they can analyze me every day
and decide if i am worth staying there.

i am afraid of trusting the false hope
of permanence in that spot,
to have it wiped from me.
when all i know is what i've only ever done
to make them happy.

i am afraid of loosing myself
in the transcendence of decline of
my worth to them,
that i forget why i blush in the beginning.
for all my mind remains on is the pain
of being left behind.

-m