i constantly pray for the day
that i choose to look in the mirror
and not be utterly disgusted by the
creature staring at me.
i have become an open book
of insecurities
put on display as i walk down
the runway of my small
campus town.
i reek of broken parts
that only work when i feel
validation from someone
prettier than me.
my body speaks an
ugly truth at me
faster than i can realize
what "true" really means.
i have become molded into
versions of me
that only other people want to see.
i have distorted vision that
will only heal
when i am skinny enough.
every pound brings hell in my mind,
a fight no one stands a chance
to be ringleader in.
i am the girl he fucks.
i am the girl he didn't text back.
i am the girl that isn't everything.
i am the girl who isn't enough.
i have become a warped up tornado of
messy versions of myself.
when people ask what's going on that pretty mind of mine, i want to say
"every night i lay alone screaming internally
for someone to kill me already.
how can i live in a world so beautiful
when all i can focus on is the ugly
that tattoos itself onto my skin,
unwanted and permanent."
-m
YOU ARE READING
year 1.
Poesiea collection of poetry written by yours truly as i navigate through the emotions of my first year of college and the summer before. enjoy <3 -malia d #12 in poetry (sept 12 2020)
