year 1.

the summer after

i want to say thank you,
to the friends that pulled me up
as if i had a rope tied around my waist
from the darkest and deepest well.
when i felt the familiar feeling
of being stuck in a loneliness
so strong it wears itself on
my body.

i want to say thank you,
for reminding me what its like
to meet new people,
and feel unapologetic about
who i am.

i want to say thank you,
as you stuck by my side
when i felt my side of the story,
stripped to a version
i couldn't recognize.
the version that plastered
my name and face
to the people who had no faith in me.
for believing me,
for picking to love me.

i want to say thank you,
my summer was filled
with memories of not only laughter,
but smiles that only come
from being in a place of pain.
as i found myself again,
i realized that amidst the chaos,
i had never been more grateful.

i want to say thank you,
because i have felt more alive
in the past 2 months
than i had ever imagined.
where scattered happiness no longer
existed based off how my relationship was.
where a good day was no longer about
whether or not i hung out with him.
where my outlook on life was no longer affected
by his.

i want to say thank you,
because as i found you all,
as you have all held me in your arms,
as i have cried and yelled and screamed,
i am closer to remembering who i am,
without him.
and i am closer to loving exactly
who that is.

-m