Life through a string of kisses

Whirlwind

A few months later...

With the final few months of Sixth Form looming, the insurmountable pressure seemed to grow like a crescendo. And Rebecca balanced on a constant knifes edge waiting for life to crash. Her parents weren't ones for pressure knowing she was a hard worker, but the pressure from school and herself still caused a constant whine in the back of her head. This constant heighten stress turned into a numbness. A numbness to life and indeed its range of feelings.

Rebecca passively found herself seeing someone two years younger. The winter chill lingers around them as they sat quietly in the garden behind a church. Whispered discussions take place between Rebecca and Jonathan, as the world continues moving oblivious to their absence. They had been dating for a few weeks after talking for a year. They had first met working backstage as the camera crew of their school productions.
Jokes swapped became teasing, which turned into watching anime together through online streaming. Which finally turned into secluded getaways. Jonathan was goofy and funny, interested in books and anime. Their relationship was quiet and unassuming, especially in these moments of privacy. The only problem seemingly being that he was Charlotte's younger brother. This two year gap never really bothered Rebecca as he was mature with her and as she didn't really see the sibling ever together. And anyway the boy was interested in her, so why not try it and see what happened.

It was the winter but they wrapped up warm to sit together and let time tick on. Age and siblings had never bothered Rebecca as much as the lack of intimacy. There she was age 17 and it felt odd to know she had never kissed anyone. She had had a 'boyfriend' once before, but that was Year 9 and the awkward interactions they'd had now seemed laughable. But with Johnathan the confidence he displayed never formulated itself into a kiss.
Throughout their time together life felt right but when they were apart something just felt off. Rebecca couldn't tell if she was dating Johnathan because he had a lot of characteristic traits of Charlotte or because she liked him. Nevertheless a few more weeks went by and she decided to call it off.

Sat in the library once again, Ellie and Jenny deep within a discussion on communism and its place within the world. Rebecca looked for Bobby and was relieved when the other girl met her gaze and a silent communication of mutual confused was transferred. Charlotte seemed to notice and took Bobby's hand in her own and inputted her own opinion. Rebecca felt instantly ashamed and went back to her solitude of confusion.
Things had been tense between her and Charlotte after she had broken up with Jonathan. Rebecca, who had felt Charlotte had no place talking or involving herself, had been required to discuss the breakup while they took an uncomfortable walk around the school. This had felt more like an interrogation than a sympathetic chat between friends. And Rebecca, who hadn't quite understood her feelings herself, had felt powerless and insignificant. This feeling was only emphasized by Charlotte and Bobby's developing relationship and thus Bobby's subsequent withdrawal from Rebecca.

So she sat and tried to learn from her friends, but after asking twice what different things meant her feelings of inferiority became too strong and she decided to look at her diary instead.

The conversation drifted to her upcoming birthday party and she was pulled back into the room. Rebecca liked hosting parties. To organise and set up the room. Ellie said her house was perfect for it and Rebecca's mum said she enjoyed the sound of laughter in the house. The girls discussed who was invited which wouldn't usually be a concern as it never changed but this time they were inviting another group. The other group were considered a bit odd aswell and they all got on reasonably well.
The two groups had previously all met to encourage Lily to talk to one of the boys. Some lad, whom Rebecca had forgotten the name of, had written Lily a love letter and both groups were now trying to get them together. The group bowling date had been slightly awkward but went fine. The party was another chance to try and also gave Ellie the opportunity to make out with a guy she never exchanged one word with (again).