"Ugh, Dylan! Do we have to do this?" Dolly groaned as Dylan fixed her blazer.
"Yes, Dolly. Besides, we're getting paid for this, remember?" Dylan reminded, straightening his tie.
"I guess you're right." She sighed before clearing her throat. "Good evening and welcome to TCN."
"We're tonight's hosts Dylan and Dolly Dalmatian." Dylan announced. "Let's get to tonight's first story. World-renowned actor and director, Gregory Farlane, is currently going through a meltdown after a bystander... spilled his coffee on him."
He slowly lowered his notes and stared into the camera in, befuddled.
"Ooh, this is a story I can get behind!" Dolly perked up. "To learn more, we have the Triple D; Destiny, Dallas, and Deja vu, following the drama in this new segment I totally didn't just make up from the top of my head: 'Drama with the Triple D'."
"Dolly, that's just field reporting." Dylan sighed, pinching his nose. "We do that every show."
They then turned to the screen behind them as we cut over the trio of divas-turned-field reporters. They were currently following a brunette man in a blue suit who was screaming incoherently and running around like a madman.
"Triple D, what's the scoop?" Dolly asked.
"We'll say for one, this guy is nuts!" Destiny commented.
"Whoa! He just hurled a trash can at us!" Dallas cried.
"DJ, are you getting this?" Deja vu asked.
"I don't know if we should keep following this dude." DJ gulped, concerned of the situation.
"Look out!" Dallas cried as a chair was hurled at DJ, knocking him down and cutting the feed.
"I kinda feel bad for Mr. Farlane." Dylan said.
"He'll get over it. All celebrities do." Dolly scoffed. "Anyways, let's go over to Pure Heart Valley for our next headline. The well-known bitter rivalry between Mao Mao and Orangusnake has boiled over to ridiculous new heights. The pair have been fighting for almost 8 HOURS straight now! 8 hours! What exactly caused this fight is still unknown; mostly due to the fact that no one has been able to ask them anythi-"
She was cut off when the very people she mention came crashing into the studio, blades and fists swinging. As they fought, they damaged various pieces of furniture and equipment.
"Give it up, Mao Mao!" Orangusnake taunted.
"Never!" The cat retorted as they dragged the fight outside.
"Holy crap." Dylan gulped. "Moving on with yet another story from Pure Heart. A resident by the name of Slim Pigguns is awaiting trial tomorrow due to his history of reckless driving."
As soon as he said that, Slim Pigguns' monster truck crashed through the studio, flattening the desk and the hosts.
"OW! MY EVERYTHING!" Dolly cried.
Dylan was able to peel himself from the floor.
"And now let's go to Dawkins for the Weather report." He wheezed out.
When we cut to Dawkins, he was grimacing at the pain of his siblings before he turned to the camera.
"The skies over England and Wales will be quite dreary all week. Yes, we're being that stereotypical." Dawkins quipped. "Meanwhile, we seem to be have a storm headed for storm headed straight for-"
He was interrupted when Mao Mao and Orangusnake, who were still going at it, rumbled through the segment. Dawkins screamed as he was able to evade being dragged into the fight cloud until they went somewhere else.
"Close one." he sighed in relief only for the screen behind him collapsed on top of him. "This is going to become a running gag, isn't it?"
We then switch back to the anchors, who were in wheelchairs and had casts on various parts of their bodies.
"Ummm... thank you, Dawkins." Dylan said before clearing his throat. "Let's go to Echo Creek now, shall we? Mewni and Echo Creek may have long assimilated, but their population, on the other paw, hasn't had much luck. Tensions flare as Mewnians and Echo Creek residents clash, each with with their own gripes."
"To learn more, we go to Dante and Da Vinci." Dolly added.
We cut over to said Dalmatians in the middle of a certain neighborhood.
"Thanks, guys." Da Vinci said. "As you can see behind us, humans and mewmans are currently in a dispute of some sort. It's clear there's still plenty beef around here."
"This is the first sign of the end! Degeneracy is the first sign of the oncoming apocalypse!" Dante boomed ominously before Da Vinci shot a glare at him. "I mean, let's go interview some locals and see what they think.
With that, they went up to a random man.
"Excuse me, sir. But would you mind telling us why you're so upset?" Dante asked.
"Well for one, these 'mewmans' or whatever the hell they're called keep wrecking everything!" He griped.
Suddenly, a electric pole fell over and and crushed a car, which was caused by a mewman man holding an axe.
"Not again!" A bystander cried.
"We see." Da Vinci said. "Thank you for your time, sir."
They then went up to a mewman woman.
"Do you mind telling us what your problems are?" Da Vinci asked.
"I tell you, these humans are frightened by the simplest things. They never seen a pig-goat before?" She said.
"Interesting." Dante remarked. "There you have it, guys. And that is just bus a sample of the beef going on here. Back to you.
Once that was done, we cut back to the studio.
"Thank you, Dante and Da Vinci." Dolly said. "And now we go to Delgado with a special sports report."
"Sweet!" Delgado cheered as the camera cut to him. "Last year, Formula-1 racer by the name of Jacques Andre Couture was involved in a weird incident. He was experiencing engine trouble and instead of sputtering to a stop, the car he was driving sped off and he was never seen again. However, sightings and reports have emerged, claiming to have spotted the missing racer. Further-"
He was cut off when an F-1 car crashed through the wall and landed on top of the pup. Not a second later, a man jumped out.
"FREE AT LAST! ENFIN! Je suis libre!" He cried ecstatically before running off.
"Okay, what his going on here?!" Delgado complained. "Also, anyone got a jack?"
"And that's all from us here at TCN." Dylan announced.
"This is Dolly and Dylan Dalmatian signing off and really wishing we were somewhere else." Dolly concluded. "Those paychecks better be worth it."
