Elimination

(Ep21) The apology

Guess it was fate...  
 at least, I don't believe in luck!!!  
or should i say, i should'nt believe in true love or even destiny.
I'm about to part ways with my own thought if that's the case..
It's been always the same...
fall in love... cry... fall in love... then cry again.
 my heart is quite tired of all false hopes and day dreamings.

Yes.. i should better close my doors at once!
I must end my fantasy of having someone i could call my own..
no more hopes!! no more what ifs..
 No more heart breaks!!
so easy to tell, yet i know , that it's so sad to imagine having no one
to love,......
 to care for............
 to share sad and happy moments..  
to cry with...
to laugh with ...
 to be with  you as you grow old....

auggghhhh... enough of that pety words.....
i know i was made strong for this...

so i will forget everything from the past.

I know i have to love my self back again..  this time it's for real....
 I must let the people come and go of my life.. after all, that's what has been happening.

I have to learn to endure pain and being heart broken. To be stronger and easygoing when it comes to love.
So here I am ready to break a leg and ready to face all love concerns.
A better version of me this time..  

Been months..

So i grew my hair longer, and i changed the way i handle my self. i chose  to become
more feminine this time which i never dared to do ever since i was born in this world.

Another year in mid december....

a message coming from a familiar name reached my phone, the person i didn't expect the most that would contact me. And the person who had left a memory from my past, and seriously tried to change my personality and perception regarding gender issues.  The person who almost took a chance to get my vcard due to curiosity and ignorance. The person who silently abandoned me without any word after steeling my heart rather gaining my trust which he worked hard for more than a year of courting me..

Yes, he's that person....

At first i don't know how my approach would be like...

Still thinking if I'm going to answer the call or not..

I was puzzled rather than stunned.

I was very hesitant to hear his voice once again.

Fellas like it's all coming back to me..

But this time it's more different..

I don't know if I'm excited or to get mad at him...

Why just now?

Why still keep in touch?

What's his purpose?

What is he trying to do..

What does he want me to think?

Are he scheming something?

Questions just popping out of my silly mind started to race within me after reasing his message..

"Hi, how are you doing? finally i saw you in this social App"

it was confirmed. It was him... Ron.

my heart was a bit shocked to know he tried to reach out after years of getting out of my life
the worst without giving me notice..  oh yes... he escaped like a bubble that popped through
thin air after attempting to take my sexual ignorance...

I tried to stalk his social media profile and saw a picture of him with a kid and a woman.
They looked liked they were a family... and yes, i thought of it right...  i read comments
and the likes....  he was indeed married with that woman...  

My thoughts were puzzled as i tried to look at their child's image...
she was about 12-15 years old as i could estimate by the looks..
but just before i scroll through more pictures from his profile,  

My phone rang abruptly that causes my phone seems to hang and that causes me to
answer his call unintentionally.  

"Hi... is it really you I am speaking with? " he says.

"uhhmmmm...  may i know whom I'm speaking with?"

"seriously? come on... don't you recognize my voice?, That quite hurts"

I know I have to play around for me to be able to shake off some tense from my body.

"I don't want to guess.. I'll drop this call if you'll waste my time"

"hold on.... it's me... Ron"

then there's silence...

"I know I left you hanging way back in out time.. and I don't even have the guts to apologize for what i did.
  I know i was wrong to do that but you're also at fault .. I tried to wait for you to come and check me out too"...
He continuosly uttered

"Wait!! ...... my fault?........... why the hell it's my fault?"
"is it my fault that you left me without giving any notice?" I said in a harsh voice.

"Look.. I'm sorry All right ? .... I know it's very wrong of me and I know i really hurt you that time.. but please, let me explain"
he then throw  a sigh..

so I tried to shut my mouth to give him some time to explain.

As he continues to speak..

"One night I was so drunk, and find myself wake up with a woman friend of mine beside me, ..  i accidentally made her pregnant.
I don't want to marry her because I don't love her, it's you that i love really. but I also know that I have to be a man whose
responsible for what he did, and a man to be a future father to a child. and besides, i really don't want to settle down, you know that"

" you don't love her, but you two enjoyed the night" i interrupted.

"It was a mere accident,i was so drunk, and besides, her parents threaten me that they would kill me if i dont marry their daughter"

"well then..  good luck to both of you.. you seemed to be happy now... why still bother reaching out?" i asked

" Can i See you personaly? i think I really need to ask an apology from you personally? do you still live in the same house?"

"yes, but you can't go here.."

"I curted you for more than a year, surely i could find a way to look for you" he proudly said

the call ended.... 

Then another message pop up...

"just an hour or two from you please"
"i promise i won't bug you off after we could talk"
"i just need to see you"

I was so hesitant to give him the favor, but for friendship sake... I replied..

"Sunday.. 9 same church"

"thank you... See you there"