ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ ᴛʜᴇ ɢʟᴀss ᴡɪɴᴅᴏᴡ ☑

Anxiety

Jungkook was getting ready and Jin was despondent. "Come on, Hyung. There aren't many people that go there on weekdays. I am sure you'll enjoy it."

Jin shrugged, his eyes dark as he looked like he was being forced on a date. "I am telling you... It's not a good idea."

Jungkook sighed and sat down on the bed, taking Jin's hands into his and rubbing them. "You know... When I moved in with you, it was scary for me too. I didn't know if we would get used to each other's habits or if the money would be enough, but we did do it."

Jin smiled, filling the younger in his arms. "I remember when we first met. You used to live in a shared apartment as a paying guest, so I had to book a hotel."

"And I can't believe we had sex the same night." Jungkook laughed, remembering. After almost three years of conversing over texts and phone calls, he was finally meeting the man. Jin was from another city and Jungkook was scared that the hotel they were supposed to stay in would allow homosexual couples. But Jin had arranged it successfully. He had also asked his friend, Hoseok, to accompany Jungkook to the bus stop where he was supposed to arrive at night.

Jungkook recollected that Hoseok was one jolly man. He had offered him a pizza from a nearby Pizza hut because he was nervous, unsure if Jin would even like him in real life. He also realized that Jin did things for him and was confident, or at least he used to put effort to make him feel special, but now, he was taken for granted. He was the only one who was trying to bring some excitement into their relationship. It didn't even take much to make Jungkook happy. He was quite excited about mere soju and fishcake a roadside food truck.

Jungkook sighed and tried not to focus on disappointment. He knew his boyfriend was socially anxious, and he understood that he couldn't expect him to be going out of the way to make him feel special. "When I stepped out of the bus, you were so shy that you wouldn't even look at me," Jin teased. 

"I thought you wouldn't like me. I was only nineteen and so skinny." Jungkook pouted. 

"You were so cute that night. Hoseok always says that you were like a little puppy, looking around with your big eyes."

"Do you talk to him these days?" Jungkook asked, looking up at Jin. 

"Sometimes," Jin nodded and stood up. "Now let's get this over with."

Jungkook chuckled, disregarding the pang in his heart. He had arranged a perfect and considerate date, but it was apparently a chore for Jin. Nonetheless, he booked the cab and locked the apartment before stepping out.

On their way to the exit gate, he crossed Jimin and smiled at him, allowing Jin to see it too. "Who was that?" The man asked instantly.

"He is our neighbor and he's on the society committee. I met him once or twice in the park and store."

"Hmmm." Jin started thinking as they sat inside the cab.

The ride was silent until they reached a hilltop restaurant.

Just like Jungkook promised, there weren't many people, which made Jin breathe a little easier. "Let's sit outdoors." Jungkook gripped Jin's hand and pulled him towards the table under a tree. 

"I don't know," Jin pulled back Jungkook's hand. "Let's sit inside. The seats seem much more comfortable there."

Jungkook nodded while looking down. 

They took a table in the farthest corner after Jin insisted even when the entire place was almost empty, and called the waitress. Jungkook placed the order while glancing at Jin and seeing that he was blinking his eyes and beginning to sweat profusely. "Are you okay, Hyung?" He asked, reaching for the man's hand. 

"She was looking at my lips. They are too thick, Jungkook."

"No, you are perfect," Jungkook shook his head, gulping that this was going to spiral out of control. "You are tall and beautiful. Your skin is so soft."

"Stop lying to me, Jungkook," Jin said in exasperation, agitated at Jungkook. "Why am I sweating so much if my skin is so perfect?"

"You are anxious and you need to breathe. No one is looking at you and judging you."

"Yes, they are," Jin gritted through his teeth. "Look at that man."

Jungkook had tears in his eyes. "Hyung... Am I not enough? Look at me. Don't look at anyone else."

"Okay," Jin nodded and breathed deeply.

When the food arrived, he hardly had anything and kept pointing at everything that how unhealthy the ingredients were and how they shouldn't be eating this often.

Jungkook kept listening, not saying a word when he could retort by saying that they didn't come out all that much to worry about eating unhealthy, or that the man stuffed himself with home-delivered cheesecakes every chance he got.

Jin made him feel that this was his punishment for taking him out of his comfort zone, and he promised himself that this was the last date. From this point onward, he wouldn't pay for the entire thing, go out of the way to make Jin feel special, and in return, come back home feeling miserable. After paying for the entire meal once, he booked the cab again to return home.

He kept himself on mute during the ride. 

When the cab dropped them home, he spotted Jimin inside the society park, but he was in a lousy mood to interact with anyone, so he simply went to their apartment and got inside the bathroom. He was peeing when he heard loud sounds and he rushed back to see Jin throwing the cutlery on the floor while crying hysterically. 

"Hyung!" Jungkook ran to hug him to stop him from being violent.

The man turned around and hugged Jungkook back so quickly. "I love you, Jungkook. Don't ever leave me, please. I love you so much that I don't think I'll live if you leave me."

"Shh," Jungkook rubbed his back. "I am not leaving you." He said softly through his trembling heart.