ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ ᴛʜᴇ ɢʟᴀss ᴡɪɴᴅᴏᴡ ☑

Meaning

Jimin cleared his throat before stepping into Jungkook's tent. One lantern was lighting up the area in a light and romantic glow, but the tension in the air was far from making anyone feel remotely close to romance. Jimin could see red surrounding Jungkook's eyes and he felt a bit annoyed that all it took was one text from Jin to get Jungkook spiraling. He hated that Jin still held so much power over Jungkook, and by extension, over him. 

"I brought you dinner." He broke the silence, his insides ensconced with the heat of the flames. 

"I am not hungry, Hyung," Jungkook answered, twisting his hands in nervousness. 

"Fine," Jimin put the food aside and sat on the edge of his air mattress. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

With the looks, Jungkook could safely say that Jimin wasn't in a hurry of going back. And Jimin knew that Jungkook wouldn't talk about it, he never did. "I am sorry about me. I should've just stayed home. I am ruining your trip."

Jimin glared at Jungkook and the boy's insides halted as he stopped breathing at one look. It was the most terrifying thing he had experienced with the man, but then he saw Jimin sighing and looking away.

Jungkook breathed then and abruptly stopped when Jimin's eyes hooked on him again. He looked as if he was in a dilemma about whether to speak, but Jungkook didn't have to guess for long when the man broke his silence. His voice was soft as he began. "I am not entirely sure what you've been through, Jungkook. But I have a sense of it, even if it is slight. When you were with him... I have seen you slumping and not looking anywhere when he was around you. You didn't talk to anyone, you took care of him, and from what I saw, you put effort into that relationship more than I can assume he did. I can safely say it wasn't healthy."

Now that the words had escaped Jimin, he felt dreadful for pointing it out when Jungkook had actually lived the experience. He snatched his gaze back, his head dipping down and he counted to ten before he decided to walk away. 

"It wasn't just that," Jungkook broke the silence the first time in the true sense and Jimin's head whipped at him. "I was loyal. He wasn't."

The older nodded, seeing the younger's eyes turning moist and he wanted to reach out, but he feared if he did, Jungkook might stop talking and something told him that this would never happen again. So, he encouraged Jungkook. "I am sorry to hear that."

"Yeah," Jungkook looked up and blinked to prevent the sheen in his eyes from flowing. "He had severe social anxiety and I took care of him. He never wanted to go out and I stayed holed up with him without complaints. It was his idea to move in together and I did it without second thoughts, even though I wasn't ready financially. I tried to make him happy. I tried so hard, but it seemed that nothing was enough for him. He didn't acknowledge anything, let alone appreciate my efforts. It wasn't like that in the beginning, I admit, but things escalated quickly. We were partners in a sense, but there were many instances where it didn't feel like it. Not emotionally, not... Financially."

Jimin could see that Jungkook was struggling to share the specifics, but he wasn't going to push him. The boy opened up this much, and he could put two and two together. He could very well assume that Jungkook mustn't be making much money. The stipends that companies paid were sometimes not even enough to cover the rent, and as far as he knew after going through a house lease as a committee member of Park 97, Jin didn't have a job, not a permanent one at least. It wasn't lost on him that Jungkook kept wanting to pay for things with him too in the beginning. He had looked at him in the hospital when he told him that the medication fee was paid for like he was an idiot. He had assumed that much that Jungkook mightn't have wanted to be owed, but he was realizing now that his traumas ran deeper than that. Just how much that fucker had broken him and his sense of esteem? "I feel sorry for him, Jungkook."

The response made Jungkook's eyes widen. 

"He had made the biggest mistake of his life to let you go. If I were him, I would show you just how precious you are."

"I am not," Jungkook scoffed immediately, shaking his head. He even let out a sad laugh. "I don't earn enough."

"You have a lifetime to do that. You are just starting your career and there's more to people than how much money they make." Jimin countered sincerely. He didn't give a fuck if Jungkook decided never to earn again and he would still worship him. 

"Like?"

"If you were mine, I'd show you." Something akin to awareness lingered between them. No one moved, no one broke their gaze away, they only looked at each other, wanting the dam to burst and drown in the flow, but also not wanting the ticking to stop so it could blow over. 

Jungkook bobbed his throat first, and a small sound rumbled in his chest as he cleared his voice. "I can't trust anyone anymore. I don't think I can ever go through with it again."

"You hurt. I know how easy it is to pull yourself away from everything and put up the shields of safety around us, but what kind of life it would be if you let one wrong person ruin your chances of experiencing something genuine...something beautiful."

Jungkook now knew that Jimin wasn't talking about anyone else who wasn't in the room. "What if I say that I am happy this way?"

"Then I won't trust you. I'd say you were many things, but a liar isn't one of them."

The faint tick of the pocketwatch reverberated from somewhere, the breathing felt like a gush of the storm, and their hearts thud against the cage of their ribs. The time amplified, the sensations intensified, and Jungkook lurked towards the food bowl, breaking the moment. "Thanks for the food, Hyung."

"You are welcome, Jungkook," Jimin replied immediately as Jungkook finished his words, his eyes unwavering. "Don't ever apologize for expressing your emotions in front of me again."

Jungkook's teeth bit on his lower lip, not looking up at him and his curt tone. "Your feelings are valid. You didn't ruin the trip by showing your emotions. You matter, Jungkook. Stop transacting yourself any less than what you deserve."

Jungkook's eyes finally raised when Jimin suddenly got up. He had to bend his head a little as the tent wasn't that tall, but he got out and zipped the partition close. Once left alone, Jungkook finally let the effect of the man's words brush his skin, his soul.

You matter.

Your feelings are valid. 

 Don't ever apologize for expressing your emotions in front of me again.

His traitorous little heart fluttered.