The Girl Who Believed

Common Room

Athena's POV

I can't talk to you without feeling honor.
I can't see you without feeling wonder.
I can't touch you without feeling pure.
I can't feel you without wanting more.
I can't hold you without feeling safe.
I can't kiss you without feeling great.
I can't miss you without feeling pain.
I can't meet you without wanting to again.
I can't watch you without feeling awe.
I can't love you without feeling loved.
I can't lay with you without feeling passion.
I can't stay away without feeling rationed.
I can't dream of you without sleeping soundly.
I can't cope without you around me.
I can't sleep without you in the bed.
I can't be alive without feeling your breath.
I can't think without you on my mind.
I can't leave without feeling unkind,
But most of all,
I can't exist without you in my life.

I sat in the empty common room as I read and reread the beautiful poem that I found on my bed this evening. It made my heart flutter. Everytime I read a letter he sends, I think that there is nothing more beautiful that he could write about me, but everytime he sends something new, it turns out to be even more beautiful that it takes my breath way.

My mind then drifted to a certain grey eyed boy who defended me. The same boy who hurt me. The same boy who makes me feel weird whenever I see him. I couldn't forget how he looked at me when I called his name during today. He looked shocked. He also looked... I don't know how to describe it, but it was intense.

Then it would drift to Theo and what he did. I still can't believe how he reacted and what he told his friends. I'm pretty sure that by tomorrow, the whole school will know his version of the story. A version that doesn't make sense. I just couldn't understand how could he. I thought he is a sweet guy. Someone who I could eventually fall in love with and feel safe in his presence. I never though that he could hurt me.

I really don't know how to feel or what to think. When did my life become so complicated?

I was so lost in thought that I didn't notice someone enter the common room until they sat beside me.

"What are you doing up so late?" said Black. What is he doing up so late?

"Nothing. What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Nothing," he said.

Silence took over for a few minutes while we stared at the fire.

"What's that?" he asked, pointing at the letter in my hand. I made sure it was folded and held it closer to me.

"Just a piece of parchment," I said with a blush.

"Really?" he asked with a slight smirk, "And what's written on it?"

"None of your business," I mumbled. I couldn't help the smile as I remembered its content.

"Is it by any chance from Mr. Admirer?" he asked teasingly.

"Maybe," I blushed, "maybe not. What's it to you?"

"Well, you're blushing," he said and sat closer and put his arm behind my head on the couch.

"I'm not," I said. If I wasn't blushing before, then I'm definitley blushing now.

"Read it for me," he said.

"What? No," I said.

"Why not?" he asked.

"Because..."

"Because...?"

"I don't want to," I said.

"Why not? I heard that the poems are lovely. Are they not?" he asked with a smirk.

"They're beautiful," I sighed, "You wouldn't understand them, though. You'd probably just laugh."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because I know you enough to know that you don't appreciate romance or at least romantic gestures," I said.

I turned to look at him and was taken aback by the proximity. I was also surprised by the look of hurt in his eyes.

"Then you don't know me at all," he said and got up to leave.

I don't know what made me do what I did next. Maybe the look in his eyes made me feel guilty, or maybe it was the weird feeling that I always have around him, but I wrapped my hand around his wrist to stop him from leaving.

"Sorry," I said, "I didn't mean to sound mean."

He didn't say anything, but he sat beside me silently. I felt guilty. Before I could say anything, he talked.

"Do you really believe that?" he asked, "That I couldn't love?"

I didn't know what to say. I really didn't mean to sound like that, but it got me thinking. Do I really think that, or am I still blinded by bitterness? I said I forgave him and I did. I need to stop being bitter.

"No one is incapable of love," I said looking him in the eye, "It's just that you don't strike me as a softie who makes such romantic gestures. I'm sure you have your own way to express it. Plus, you love your friends, right? This is a type of love, too."

He leaned in ever so slightly, "I do love my friends, but I also know other types of love. You have no idea of the measures I would go for the person I love," he said softly.

I didn't know what to answer him. Even if I knew, I couldn't. He was sitting so close and I was lost in the pools of grey. Some say that grey eyes look cold, but his eyes were anything but. They were full of warmth and emotions. The look in his eyes is the same look I have been seeing him giving me for some time now. I still couldn't name it, but it was intense. Its intensity made me shiver.

He leaned in even closer now and my breath hitched. I could feel my heart skip a beat. He leaned in a bit more and I could feel his breath fanning my face, our noses almost touching. His eyes darted to my lips then back to my eyes. I was frozen in place. I didn't react and he took it as an invitation. Maybe it was. He removed a strand of my hair from my face and cupped my face gently.

He closed his eyes and ever so gently, his lips met mine and I closed my eyes. They were so warm and soft. I didn't feel butterflies flying around in my stomach. No. It was a whole zoo in there. It was so soft and gentle, yet full with emotion and warmth. I found myself kissing back and allowing him to deepen the kiss. His tongue ran over my lower lip asking for entrance and I granted it. Our tongues danced around each other, exploring.

After what felt like hours, but were probably seconds, we pulled away breathing heavily. Our breaths fanning each others faces. He was cupping my cheek with one hand and was running his thumb over my lips with the other.

"So beautiful," he whispered, out of breathe.

I opened my eyes to see his grey ones hooded and staring straight into mine. It took me a few seconds to snap out of my daze. When I did, I jumped up from the couch.

"This is wrong," I whispered. I don't know if I was saying that to him or to myself.

He didn't say anything. I took the chance before he thinks of something to say and ran up to my dorm. I threw myself onto my bed and closed the curtains.

I was still breathing heavily. I hope it's because of running up to the room and not because I was feeling something for him. If I really have feelings for him, then I'm screwed.