The Girl Who Believed

I'm screwed

Athena's POV

I couldn't sleep again. I was thinking about a certain gray-eyed boy who managed to invade my thoughts again. This has been happening a lot lately. My mind would randomly wander to what he's doing. He doesn't even have to be physically close to me for me to think about him.

Today, when that Karen girl came up to him I felt something that I definitely should not have felt. I didn't want to admit it, but now that I can't help but think and analyze, it all points to one nasty feeling. Jealousy.

He also implied that he liked someone when we were in the library. At least, that's what I understood. I wonder who. Will she be a lucky girl? Or should pity her?

It bothered me to no end. I promised myself to never feel anything for him ever again and focus on anything else in my life. Now not even the trouble that Theo has been causing could distract my thought from him.

I decided to go to the common room. I was worried for a second that I might see him there, since he has trouble sleeping and usually stays in the common room, but I also didn't care.

I tip-toed downstairs and he wasn't there. I should've been relieved, but I found myself longing for him to be here and have another midnight-chat with him. Talking with him at night when there was no one else around was kind of soothing.

I sat on the couch closest to the fireplace and lit up a fire. I tucked my legs under me and opened my book and started to read. An hour or two later, I felt my eyes drooping. I almost dozed off when I felt a blanket being put on me and I suddenly jerked awake. I looked up and saw Bl-Sirius adjusting the blanket.

"What are you doing?" I asked stupidly.

"I thought you fell asleep and thought I should cover you with a blanket," he said and lit up the fire that was slowly dying.

"Oh, thank you," I said.

"No problem," he smiled.

He sat on the couch pulling my legs on his lap. I looked at him weirdly and trying to pull my legs off but he was stronger and kept them on his lap.

"What were you reading?" he asked.

"Um, pride and prejudice," I said.

"Any good?"

"It's great. One of my favorites actually," I told him.

"What is it about?"

"Enemies turned to lovers. Though it's much more complicated than that."

"Can I borrow it after you finish?"

"You want to read a romance novel?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

"Why not? You like it, don't you? You just said it's a good book," he said.

"Yeah, it is. I just didn't peg you as a guy who's into romantic stuff," I murmured toward the end. He sighed.

"Why is it so hard to believe?"

"I don't know. Maybe because you are known as more of a rebel, prankster, joker, player, and all those things. Gentleness, softness, and romance don't usually come with these traits," I told him.

"Well, they come with me," he said, turning his body to face me and resting his hand on the back of the couch and resting his hand on his hand.

"So, you like someone?" I asked and almost face-palmed myself for asking.

"Interested in my love life now?" he said with a smirk. Though I saw a weird look in his eyes. I scoffed.

"No. Just curious. I couldn't sleep, might as well talk about irrelevant stuff," I said with a shrug.

"Irrelevant stuff you say? You were dosing off when I came," he said, amusement clear in his eyes.

"Yeah, well I almost fell asleep, but someone woke me up when he grabbed my feet and put it on his lap."

"Someone handsome?" he asked and I rolled my eyes.

"I've seen better," I lied.

"Did you?" he asked, his eyes darkening slightly. I gulped when he leaned closer. He wasn't that close to my face, but the move was intimidating nonetheless.

"Y-yeah," I said.

"Are you sure? Who?" he said, his hand rising from my calf slowly to my knee. He didn't go on to my thighs. Not wanting to be inappropriate probably and that... disappointed me.

I shook my head, hoping to shake those thoughts away, and cleared my throat.

"You know, for someone who has a crush on someone, you sure are way too flirty with other girls," I said, pulling my legs from his lap. This time, he let me and smirked.

"Who says I'm flirting?" he asked.

"So you do like someone," I said.

"Maybe, but like isn't the right word to describe my feelings to her," he said.

"What's the right word then?" I asked. I felt a pang in my chest. I didn't know why I asked and I don't know why I suddenly didn't want to know. He's not mine and I'm not supposed to be jealous.

"I love her. I'm crazy about her," he said

His voice dreamy, but his eyes never leaving mine. I looked away. I couldn't handle seeing so many intense emotions in his eyes while talking about someone else. It's already enough that it's weird that he is never with her. Maybe she is not in Hogwarts. Or could it be... No. I'm not even going there.

"Oh... that's nice..." I said.

"Yeah... It doesn't really matter though. She doesn't feel the same way. At least, I don't think she does," he sighed and looked at the fire.

"How do you know? Did you try telling her or asking her?" I asked.

"I've dropped some hints. I don't think she believes me. That or she is very very oblivious," he sighed.

"Some girls can be very very oblivious," I told him, "Just tell her directly to her face."

He didn't say anything for a minute, just stared at the fire.

"It's not that simple," he whispered.

"Why not?"

"It's complicated," he sighed.

"Simplify it then. You love her. Tell her. Put it out there. Take inspiration from Potter. The boy hasn't given up for almost six years," I said with a small chuckle in the end to lighten the mood. Mostly my mood. Why is the fact that Sirius loves someone bother me?

"You think I should be that persistent? Even if rejected me at first?" he asked looking at me again.

"Is she worth it?"

"More than anything," he said, "I don't know how I would cope if she rejected me."

I felt another big pang in my chest. The love and adoration in his eyes made me envy whoever the girl is. My heart beat faster and I found it hard to breathe. I cleared my throat and forced a smile.

"Be like Potter then," I said.

He smiled. He looked happy with my answer. Maybe he wanted a girl's opinion to give him the final push to confess. Why did it have to be me though? And why the bloody hell did it bother me?

"It's late. I'm going to sleep," I said and got up, "I'm done with the book. You can start reading it now if you want. Good night."

"Thank you. Good night, Athena," he whispered with a smile.

I gave him a small smile and went back to my dorm. My last thought before falling asleep was: I'm screwed.