shorts- not pants but stories

some former pets

I used to have a girlfriend that was cute and nice and very energetic. Just like a dog.

I tend to forget how I end up having a girlfriend. Usually I only come to realize that I'm a couple with someone when I start to live together with that certain someone, since this is the point of everything getting serious.

So my memories of us mostly only begin with her moving in. She was so excited and sniffed trough every corner of my apartment. At the end of the day she fell asleep with her head on my lap.

I gently stroked through her hair. We often ended our days like that. I always carried her into bed.

When I was young I used to have a dog. Spending my time like that with her I really remembered my precious pet because they resembled each other in some points.

When I asked her to bring me something she jumped up immediately and came back with the required item and a huge smile on her cute little face. I developed the habit of patting her head while thanking her.

I really got used to her passionate greeting when I got home. She hugged and kissed me. Sometimes she nearly ran me over so happy to see me.

She really was an energetic person. And she loved being outside. We often went for a walk in the nearby forest and even played Frisbee in the park. She always went out early, jogging, no matter what weather was outside. I used to accompany her in the times I was still in university since I had the time, but I stopped when I got myself a part time Job. After that she must've asked some friends to tag along I guess.

Maybe that was the beginning of our end. Having a job was quite awesome. I was finally independent and barely had to rely on my parents. But I failed to notice that she started to drift away.

Waking up from my delusion of having the perfect relationship was harder than falling out of the bed. It seems I ignored the little signs of us falling apart, like her not smiling anymore for me, not greeting me when I got home.

In the end I came home noticing some things missing. She explained in a letter how she fell for another guy. How she's been crying always lonely in the deserted apartment while I was out for work or university.

I know it was all my fault. I always compared her to a dog, thinking she would always stay just as true to me. But in the end it seems I forgot that she was still only human. Maybe we ran out of love at some point. But I wish she would've said something. Just that could've fixed our issues. Or at least it wouldn't have left me behind with this empty feeling of an unfinished business.

I remember my next girlfriend being completely different. When I asked her to move in she hesitated really long.

"Are you sure about that? Having me around the entire time could be quite awful. I might turn out to be different in a way that makes you regret to be my boyfriend."

I got myself a cat after my ex left me. I really grew lonely so it was nice to have something else being there other than the people on TV.

I found her in the animal shelter. Both my girlfriend and my cat. First my cat.

A year later when my cat was sick and had to see the doctor I met her. I was anxious about my cat passing away and I've looked for another cat to be there to fill the gap that would be ripped into my life again.

She was helping out deliberately. As a volunteer. I was playing with the kittens grinning stupidly and she just appeared out of nowhere looking at me as if I was a creep. I stuttered lost for words trying to find an excuse. But she gently asked me whether she could help. I said something like:

"I'm considering to taking one of these home with me."

"Did you already owe a cat before?"

"I already have one."

"Then taking in another one is the first step of becoming a crazy cat lady."

I have to admit that my hair was quite long around that time but so was my beard. I got a bit pissed and told her brusquely that I was male but she simply said:

"I know. Guys can be cat ladies too. There is even a book about that. Before getting another cat you should treasure what you already have. Having too much of something good only spoils it."

I remember these words very well since they left a big impression on me. Sometime later my cat passed away. I returned to the shelter and maybe I was secretly hoping to meet her there. I was lucky and really glad I went to cut my hair and shaved beforehand.

We talked a bit longer and I ended up talking a lot about myself, my cat and even my ex. I couldn't believe how much I spilled out and I thought it would be a total turn off but she was really kind and listened till the end.

When I finished she drew a weird conclusion: "It doesn't sound like you need another cat."

"Then maybe a dog or better: a girlfriend." I said with the small hope she might volunteer as a tribute. But she only said:

"It sounds as if you really need to learn to be on your own for a while.

You're far too used to have someone around probably expecting them to save you somehow.

No one can do that except yourself."

I didn't know how to react. I felt the awful certainty that she was completely right. I knew I would look like a spoilt child if I would disagree. So I took a deep breath and just swallowed most of my pride.

"You are probably right." Silence fell between us. I got up and left with the words. "I'll let you know whether I'm fine to be on my own." And smiled.

I came to work voluntary at the animal shelter as well. Only at weekends. We got closer and ended up together somewhere along the way. I was fine living on my own. I even came to enjoy the emptiness of my apartment.

I just asked her to move in out of a joke since I was really O.K. living by myself. But later on we both came to the conclusion we should try.

It turned out she was really different when she was at home. It was like having a cat again. So much hair in every corner. It didn't seem to matter if I was there or not. She was pretty indifferent about my presence most of the time. Just like my cat.

I only seemed to be interesting when I was preparing food or working for my exams. Which was sometimes pretty inconvenient.

She never was a touchy person to begin with so sometimes she even squirmed out of my embrace. I discouraged me every time. I thought she wouldn't love me. But in the end I realized, that she just had her own times when she wanted to be close and came cuddling by herself.

My heart always skipped a beat when she hugged me. Her ability to sneak around unheard might be a reason for that as well.

She often stayed up late at night and slept in till twelve or even longer. But I guess every university student is a bit like a cat.

Her waking up stretching like a cat, balancing on the couch rest, jumping off her seat or curling up to nap on her chair; all that made her resemble the cats she loved so much.

Maybe you were too much like them. If I knew that before I would've locked you up. Domestic cats have the unfortunate habit of being run over by cars. Just like you.

I'm fine living by myself. I'm really fine on my own. Still I miss you. Not like I miss my cat. And I don't miss you for your cat traits. I miss you.

Your singing along to the songs playing in the radio, your happy face when watching childish TV shows, your ironic post-it notes and sketches you always left when you went out.

I still have them. All of them. I know you didn't want to leave. I wonder we could've last forever. But I felt like it might have been a love till old age. Being with you made me grow to be a better person. At least I hope so.

I guess talking to you is the one thing I'll miss the most. You were always like wise beyond your age. Always able to make me change my point of view. I really miss you.

Maybe I should get another pet. What do you think: would a turtle be O.K. for me?