Second Chance With You

Chapter 23

(Chase P.O.V)

I wake up lying on Christian with one hand wrapped around my waist and the other laying on my head. Confused for a moment I nuzzle my nose into his chest and breathe deeply and try to go back to sleep. I feel begin to stir under me and I hear him sigh and his breathing becomes even again.

My eyes open wide and I sit up quickly and back away from him.

Oh my God what have I done? He wasn't suppose to find out like this. I was suppose to tell him calmly and happily. It was suppose to be perfect. I was going to tell him everything. From my sexuality to wanting to go on a date with him and maybe tell him I like him and I would love a chance to be with him and show him that I'm a good guy if he would give me a chance.

Now it's all ruined. Who would want to be with a fuck up like me? With a messed up family who hates me and a drunken father who probably wants to beat me straight. No one. I've lost my chance and I just need to get out of his life. To get away from him for a while. I need time to think and sort all of this out myself before I make any decisions.

I take one last look at his sleeping face before I slip quietly out of his apartment door and leave.
***

Why can't he just leave me alone?

He has called me twice and has sent me countless messages and everytime I ignore him. I am trying to sort myself out and put some space between us but everytime I linger on that thought he just slips right back into my thoughts and makes me question my actions.

He doesn't need someone like me in his life. My phone vibrates again on my bed and I pick it up staring at the screen.
Christian: Chase are you okay?

The message said. Those four words stare back at me, taunting me. Am I okay? I mean really okay?

I know my parents aren't the best. I know their messed up. My father is a drunk and he abused me and still abuses my mother; but he's my father. I have to love him right? You only have one father and one mother. My mother stands by him, no matter what. She stood by him through every punch and slap he gave me. Every slap she received from him. Every bottle he popped and every can he opened. Every drink he took she stayed by him.

Now when I needed her support, when I needed her love and understanding, when I thought I had it, she once again proved me wrong. When my father abandoned me, told me I wasn't his son anymore, she once again stood by his side. She left me. My mother, whose love I thought was unconditional, left me alone. I believed for once, this time, she would be there for me and she wasn't.

To tell the truth it hurts. It hurts me deeply and now I am starting to believe that everyone I love will start to leave me behind. Christian could leave me any day so why not leave him first? Why not go ahead and do to him what he could do to me and just leave? I don't think I could handle him walking out of my life.
***

"Chase what happened?" Jenna asked me. It was after hours at the company and she stayed over to talk to me. Sleep has been non-existent to me for almost two days and second and third thoughts have been driving me mad and making me feel anxious and irritable.

"I just can't do this anymore Jenna. I can't be near or around Christian anymore." I say to her.

"Why not. Chase what's going on with you?" she asks me. I sigh and pinch the brim of my nose.

"I just don't want him with someone with a fucked up family Jenna. I told you what happened on Friday. Who knows what could happen now. You know how my father is! I can't risk it Jenna. I can't risk Christian getting hurt. Or him walking out of my life like everyone else!" I tell her and slam my hands on my desk. I push my chair back and stand in front of my window. I stare out in the lively town and every light lit up by stores and all of the people walking. I look down at them and wonder what is going on in their life. Are they going through things? Having inner debates and second and third thoughts on situations as I am?