Second Chance With You

Chapter 24

(Chase P.O.V)

I stare at myself in the mirror and sigh. Christian said he would meet me at the small cafe around the corner from his apartment and talk to me. He said it had to be today because tomorrow he had a doctors appointment that he couldn't miss. To say I was nervous was the understatement of the century. I was terrified, scared, scared shitless; whatever you wanted to say I was.

I slipped on my shoes and grabbed my keys and walked out my door. The elevator ride down seemed to take forever and every step I walked closer to my car my heart rate increased. Whatever made me kiss Christian, whatever force brought my lips to his; I wish it would have backed off. The akwardness and tension could have been avoided and we could have still been care free and ourselves around each other; even though we haven't seen each other since that night.

That night played over again and again in my head though and everytime I feel the same. The sparks I felt when I kissed his lips and the way my body responded when it was againist his, it was just something that couldn't be explained. I wish things could have turned out differently, that our friendship wasn't so strained at the moment, but I can't bring myself to really regret what I did. I wish we could have at least talked about things sooner and get everything all sorted out, but he needed his space from me and time to think for himself and get his emotions in line.

When I finally arrived at the cafe I saw him sitting at a booth in the window. I had to sit in my car for a few moments before I gathered enough courage to walk inside. Christian jumped when I sat in the seat across from him but grinned a little when he saw it was me.

"Hi." I said and ordered a coffee from the waiter who came over.

"Hey." he said.

"Thank you for meeting me Christian." I mumbled and sipped my coffee. We were quiet for a while, each in our own thoughts. I stared out of the window contemplating on how to approach a topic, any topic.

"Chase tell me what's going on." Christian says.

"What do you mean?" I ask him. I turned my head back to him and stared.

"I mean. We had a sleep over. You breakdown and tell me you are gay and then you ignore me for two days straight. Show up at the bar wanting to talk and then kiss me. Are you bipolar or have multiple personality disorder?" he says.

I press my hand to my mouth and start to laugh into it. My eyes water and I look up to see him with a completely serious look on his face.

I clear my throat and regain my composure before answering him.

"No Christian. I am not bipolar nor do I have many personalities." I tell him and grin.

"Then explain." he says.

I sigh and begin to tell him my train wrecks of thoughts.

"After the sleepover; waking up the next morning I felt, well horrified to be bluntly honest. I planned on telling you about my sexuality at the sleepover but not like that. How I was going to tell you I don't know but I wanted it to be different from that. After what my parents did to me and they abandoned me I just felt so alone. The feeling of being lonely is not a nice one and having the two people who are suppose to love you unconditionly leave you is a horrible feeling. I didn't want someone who I care about deeply leave me again so I left instead. Which makes you feel worse by the way. Plus my father is a mean drunk who has no control over his actions so I was and still am scared that he will come here and do something bad. Something could hurt you or me and I don't want you around that." I tell him. He stares at me and nods his head.

"But shouldn't that be my decision?" he asks me.

"So I've been told." I said.

"None of that explains to me why you kissed me." he says.

"Um. Well. I went to the bar to try and talk to you. I knew you would be mad at me and I tried to explain but you kept walk away. I was scared that you were walking away from me for good so I had too do something. So I kissed you. To show you how I felt." I mumbled the last part.

"Show me how you felt? What are talking about Chase? This doesn't make any sense to me." he says. I sigh and rub my tempals and try to explain as best as I could.

"I guess I could try and start from the beginning. You know everyone has their own akward teenage phases and questions about themselves. Who am I? What do I want in life? Mine was, what am I? I never really knew who I was. I was always questioning myself. Always insecure about myself and who I thought I was. When I met you I knew then. I never admitted to myself though; I was always angry before but when I met you and you made me feel things, attraction and a need, it made me even angrier. Who gave this kid the right to make me feel confused and conflicted? So I became the one thing I never wanted to become, which was a person like my father. Pick on the weak to make myself look strong. I guess I was some what like a bully considering you were the only person I picked on and gave any real attention too. So all through highschool instead of trying to make you like me I made you hate me. When you asked why I did it, told me I never had a true reason, I became scared. I never had an answer for you except the one thing I never even told myself let alone anyone else. So I stopped and avoided you at all cost. The day after graduation I took one last look at you and left. I moved out and into a college dorm and never went back to that house. I changed. I became a much better and happier person and finished my schooling almost two years early at the top of my class. During that time I guess you could say I experimented and sort of accepted the person I was and who I wanted and just let it all fall into place. I finally was content that I was a male who wanted and was attracted to other males. I never had any real relationships though. I was more focused on school. Skip to the present time and when I saw you again. It was like everything came rushing back to me and the feelings never left me.  I wanted a second chance with you. To show you that I am not a bad person." I finish in a rush and wait for his reply.

His eyes were trained on me and he looked in very deep thought.

All of sudden he shook his head and stood up and left the cafe. He walked out of the door and I stood and ran after him.

"Christian?" I yell after him and walk behind him down the street.

"Christian what's the matter talk to me." I tell him. He stops suddenly and turns to face me.

"This is so much to take in. You and everything you told me. I don't know how to react. I just had to leave I felt like the walls were moving in on me." he says.

"I understand." I tell him. He sighs and looks down to the side walk.

"Christian..." I say and he looks up. We just make eye contact for a few moments before Christian walks up to me and stands so close to me that our noses were almost touching.

He puts his hands on my neck and I lean my head into his touch.

"Please. Give me a chance." I whisper to him. He grins and leans closer.

"I already planned too." he whispers back.
***
Upppppdaaattteeeee !!!!! :) i hope you enjoy my update ♡♡ remember that you can always talk too me and I will be here for you ♡ i love you guys!!
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