AMOR FATI . . . fred weasley

I...DIE FROM A FART

6:31PM 8/7/1995

NEVER, NEVER TELL THEM. TRY AND REMEMBER THAT. NEVER TELL ANYONE ANYTHING EVER. NEVER TELL ANYONE ANYTHING AGAIN.
— ERNEST HEMINGWAY

.·。.·゜✭·.·✫·゜·。..·。.·゜✭·.·✫·゜·。.

APPARENTLY, ONCE, IN HER SLEEP, Joey had ranked the entire Weasley family from most favourite to least. (Obviously she doesn't remember this, so she's having to rely on the not-so-reliable twins, which is far from ideal.) Bill and Charlie had come before both Fred and George, which they claimed they weren't offended by - but Joey had seen their sulky faces at breakfast the next day.

Percy came last.

Joey, being Joey, had been absolutely mortified the next day, and spent the whole of dinnertime apologising profusely to a bemused Percy. Yes, she did sometimes find him annoying, but that was no excuse for her to be so horrible, even in her sleep! And besides, Joey's always been the expert in pretending to be interested in Percy's laborious tales of work at the Ministry.

Sometimes, impossibly, they're even funny - which is why she's currently swinging her legs at the Weasley table, Fred and George on either side, waiting for him to come home.

'I do wish Percy wouldn't work so late,' Molly Weasley frets.

'And I wish Percy weren't such a prat,' says Fred.

'Ah, well. You can't have everything, dear brother,' George says mournfully, pretending to look downcast as he finishes his soup.

Arthur. 'Boys.'

Molly. 'Your brother is not a prat! He's had such a hard time of it lately, with all the inquiries into Barty Crouch!'

Fred, indignant. 'He's had a lot to deal with?'

George. 'Yeah, we're the ones who've had to bloody live with him!'

Joey sniggers, unable to help herself, just as Percy thunders pompously into the kitchen.

'Oh, thank goodness!' Molly rises to take his travelling cloak, ushering him into the seat she's just vacated. 'I'm sorry we had to eat without you.'

'It's quite alright, mother. Some things are more important than soup.' Joey laughs and Percy's frowning eyes fall on her. 'Something the matter, Johannah?'

'Something the matter, Johannah?' the twins parrot in high-pitched voices.

'Oh, no!' Joey lies quickly, blushing. The truth is she finds it hard to believe there's anything more important than tomato soup, but she doesn't dare say that! 'It's just soup makes me... sneeze. They're lovely glasses, Percy. Are they new?'

'No,' he replies curtly, frowning. Beside her, Fred guffaws.

'Tell us all about your day, Percy.' Molly's too busy ladling out soup to notice Fred, George and even Joey rolling their eyes and pulling grotesque faces.

'Maybe not all about it,' Fred says warily. 'Or we might positively faint with excitement.'

'Well, actually, I have been promoted.'

The twins snort in disbelief, Arthur Weasley's spoon clattering to the bottom of the bowl. 'Promoted?'

'Promoted? Into what? Chief cock?'