The Love that Made the Stars Fall (+18)

16| The Symptoms

Ｊｏｄｉｅ

I try to push away all the ridiculous stuff Seb hinted at yesterday—like Matteo might actually like me. Because if I let that thought creep in, I'll turn into a stuttering mess and won't be able to hold a normal conversation with the guy sitting next to me right now. This guy who's acting so confident, so casual, and so. . .cool.

'Di ba, 'pag may gusto ka sa isang tao—I mean, crush—matatanga ka? Hindi makakagalaw nang maaayos. Nagi-init ang katawan mo. Napuputol ang paghinga. Nauutal. Magulo ang isip. Nginunguya ng kaba. And if what Seb's trying to imply is true, Matteo should be showing at least one of those symptoms.

Pero bakit mukhang ako lang ngayon ang kinakabahan?

Nagnakaw ako ng tingin. Diretso ang titig niya sa mga bangkang nakapaibabaw sa maliit na lawa sa harap namin. Iyong maganda naman niyang mukha, nababalot ng maliliit na butil ng pawis na bahagyang kumikinang dahil sa nag-aagaw na liwanag at dilim ng madaling araw.

Napalunok ako.

He's so. . .

"So, you're here because?" panimula ni Matteo habang inaalis ang mga earbuds na suot niya at isinusuksok ang mga ito sa bulsa ng sweaters niya na may zipper.

"We need to uhm talk." Sinadya kong sabihin iyon nang seryoso. Ihinarap ko pa ang katawan ko sa direksyon niya. "I want to clear things out between us—" I clear my throat, "—Matteo."

"And what are those things. . .Jodie?" Mababa ang boses niya sabay tingin din sa akin.

Oh, wow. I just noticed a new detail about his eyes—ultra-light brown with these unexpected streaks of green at the edges. Sa sobrang lapit niya, nakikita ko pa ang sarili kong repleksyon sa malalaking lente. Para tuloy akong nalulunod doon.

Any second now, I might run out of air.

"Ah, you know. . ." I say, still unable to think straight, my stammering threatening to make a comeback.

"No. I don't know," aniya nang pakaswal.

Aba't pinilosopo pa ako.

Napalunok ulit ako habang tinitipong muli ang lakas ng aking loob. "I uhm apologize if my decision was disappointing. You see, the Saavedras helped me a lot years ago when I was new here in the city."

"'Helped' you, huh?" Nanguyom ang kanyang panga.

"Basta, it's a long story, okay? Besides, I can't bring the case to the court. I have no resources whatsoever to fight Landon—"

"Which is exactly what I offered."

"Matteo—" I sigh, heavily, "—How will you fight them? They are the most powerful clan in all Baguio! And you. . .well, you are just a contestant in a show. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but let's be practical. If I choose to fight this war, I'll be dragging you down with me."

I'm not sure if that was the best way to say it, but I can't think of any other way to explain why I did what I did. Fortunately, Matteo seems pleased. He even smiles—a reaction I didn't see coming. Iyon nga lang, hindi ko alam kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng ngiting iyon.

"You don't have to worry about me, Jodie." May kakaibang lambing sa tono niya nang banggitin niya ang first name ko, bagay na lalong nagpabilis ng tibok ng puso ko. "You see, I can make things happen. All you need to do is trust me. So. . .let me help you."

"But I can't keep asking people for help," sabi ko kasabay ng pag-iling. Nalukot ko pa ang dulo ng scarf na nilalaro ng mga daliri ko habang nagpapaliwanag sa kaniya. "I did what I could and what I believe is right. I just hope you understand that. I don't want anyone to get hurt anymore, including you." I sigh, feeling the weight of my words.