.•°¤* ꜱᴛᴏᴘ ᴀᴄᴛɪɴɢ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ *¤°•.

:)

Man, I don't even know where to start. If I have to be honest, I did not think I'd get to the end of this book. I didn't even think I'd get past chapter 6, but here we are, 20 chapters in and it's over. I honestly can't believe it. I'm so emotional and proud and just.. I don't know how to describe it. It's like an unsatisfying breath of fresh air. I'm finally finished but I never realised just how much I enjoyed writing this book until now. I never realised just how badly I wanted to keep writing this book until this last chapter, the chapter to end it all and give yall the most and least bit of clarity.

There's so much I want to say, so much that went on behind the scenes while writing this book that I want to share with you but I don't know how. I guess, since this is a recurring theme in my DNF books now, I should start with the music that inspired it all. There were a few songs to start it off when I wasn't actually sure what direction I wanted to go in. First it was "Downtown" by VARSITY, then it was "Worlds Apart" from Wallows, and quite a few others until I ended up with the song which is attached called "Was It Something I Said" by MyKey. But it didn't end there, as I kept writing this book and getting deeper into the plot I realised just how many songs could fit in with this book, just how many songs matched the theme so perfectly and amazingly well. Soon, maybe 7-8 chapters in I had a playlist.

Here's the link to the spotify playlist: https://t.co/MzXlc18sSP?amp=1

I might find the songs on youtube and link a playlist there too, but that's for the future :)

So, there's a fun lil thing for yall :) especially those who like to reread the books after you're done. The playlist is like 4 hours long, and yes it does include "Heather" by Conan Gray, don't worry. It doesn't matter what order the songs are listened to in, the reasons I put those songs in the playlist are because of the lyrics, the deeper meaning behind them, the rythm and overall vibe they gave off. Through making this playlist and writing the book, I've not only expanded my music taste, but I've also helped myself, in a way.

This is the part where it gets kinda deep and possibly triggering, I'll put some warnings before anything happens.

I began this book based on an idea from one of my followers because I really liked the concept and I thought I could do a lot with it. There wasn't a set plot yet, there wasn't even a real storyline, just the characters and a brief overview of their dynamic. It took me a few chapters until I finally came up with some kind of plot, person A is in denial of their feelings for person B but pB shows general interest in pA but also in the antagonist. And that's what set off the idea of a type of love triangle with Dream, George and Stacy from there. I still somehow didn't know what exactly I wanted this story to be, what would happen, how it would end and things like that. I just kept writing.

But how?

How did I keep writing and making things up as I went that still somehow made sense?

I questioned that to myself after the first few instances in which George has flashbacks to his childhood, the memories of his loving family and the way  life was for him; full of love and care and passion and trust and everything a child should feel. But we're not given a clear reason as to WHY George doesn't like the pleasant flashbacks, as to why George is blaming those nice things on an equally nice person so that it's directed away from him. The more I wrote and developed George's background, the more I realised just how much I was projecting myself and my trauma into George's character.

// tw - transphobia + outing //

I'm a trans man, I came out about 3 years ago but it took me a full year to come out to my parents. My biggest fear was being kicked out, to be disowned and have everything stripped away from me; my sister, the most important person in my life, my cat, the most important companion of mine, and the only ounce of support I knew at the time. They were very accepting when I came out but they had the wrong ideas about me being trans. My mom outed me to my entire family, saying "you'd come out eventually" without actually taking into consideration that "eventually" wasn't right then.