.•°¤* ꜱᴛᴏᴘ ᴀᴄᴛɪɴɢ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ *¤°•.

~3~

tw: !! dissociation !!
- for those who dont know what this is, it's basically disconnecting from reality, minds/thoughts and body and losing a sense of identity

“Listen, you can’t just do whatever you want and expect it to work out in your favor.”

“You’re being selfish of everything we’ve done for you, you’re so inconsiderate.”

“Why do you want to throw everything away like that?”

“Get out of this house. We expected more from you.”

The merciless words jabbed at my chest like sharp daggers. They were words that I had blocked from my memory a year after what happened. Sometimes they jumbled together if I were to ever think about them, but their connotation was all the same. Sure, I had forgotten about their existence, but that didn’t mean I actually dealt with them at the time. 

I shook my head void of thoughts until I was satisfied with the emptiness. I felt a lot heavier on my feet as I lifted myself off my bed and carried my weight through my morning routine. Get dressed. Feed Cat. Eat bread. Brush teeth. Walk into the other room. It was a blur up until the point I found something particularly eye catching by the front window with my store sign. There was a paper taped to the outside of it, obscuring the morning light from entering the room. 

My brows furrowed as I flipped my sign and went to the front door to unlock it. The minute I opened it and took a step forward, my foot kicked something on the ground. I was startled by the sudden object that made a crinkle noise. When I glanced down I saw that it was a bouquet of hydrangeas still concealed in the store’s plastic bag and poorly wrapped ribbon. I picked it up expecting a note and remembering there was a paper on my window. 

Holding the flowers in one hand, I ripped the paper from my window and scanned over the sloppily written letters that somehow made coherent words. The first words I read were “From Clay” which forced a dramatic sigh and roll of the eyes from me. I hesitantly moved on from the reminder of the man who had been getting into my head to the rest of the note.

From Clay :)

hey, I can’t stay over today because I’m busy with youtube stuff and business stuff. My friend didn’t like either of the flowers but he took one of them anyway so I thought I’d bring you the ones he didn’t pick. I hope you have somewhere to put them, if not uhhh I guess you could make one? Or I can buy you one? 

anyway, um, that’s kinda it. I hope no one steals them before you wake up or this note will be weird. so yeah, I hope you have a good day!! and tell me what you think about the collab pls? 

ok ok for real this time, have a good day i hope you like the flowers xoxo

I would be lying if I said my face wasn’t beginning to heat up, but I will lie and say it wasn’t for my sake. I had the urge to crumple the paper in my hands, but I held back and stuffed it in my pocket for the time being. As for the flowers, I stared at them questionably long. Although I had plenty of places to put them, there was a nagging at the back of my mind that told me to dump them. 

Deciding on a cracked terracotta pot to leave the hydrangeas in, I set it on my front counter and stepped into my workspace. I lazily wrapped my apron around me and prepared myself for another day full of watching a sculpture come to life in my hands. I predicted that I would get to bake my current project and let it set today so I could actually start on Clay’s commission.

Now, that would definitely be hard; working on something for the very person I didn’t even want to speak to. It made chills run down my spine just thinking about it. Thinking about him. It seemed like a luxury and curse not to have his presence in my store. The room was filled with silence other than my breathing and tools scraping against the desk and clay due to his absence. However, the fact that tools were even being picked up definitely made me feel better about getting started on work on time.