suicidal thoughts

Chapter 32 Calls

Scarlett's pov

My phone began to ring against my bed for the millionth time. Still I didn't bother to answer.

It rang and rang over and over annoying the living crap out of me.

"Uhhh!" I grab my pillow and shove it against my ears.

ring ring ring

My frail hands find there way to my phone, I tap the lock button and Luke's name pops up numerous times.

"No. Scarlett do not call back."
My thoughts interrupted me.

Again, his name popped up with a cute picture of him and I. My heart said yes while my mind said no.

But of course, I click the button.

The room was dead silent. My heart pounded through my aching chest.

"Scarlett.." A voice suddenly spoke.

I felt as my words were caught in my throat. Like I was unable to talk. I was frozen.

"Please, answer me."

still my mind wondered, regardless of Luke on the other line.

"Please Scarlett, this hurts us too you know."

"I-I'm sorry." finally, I pushed the words out of my mouth. "I'll see you on Monday, just please, leave me alone." my words louder then intended. Due to the sudden urge to cry.

"Scarlett don't do this-" Luke tried to continue but stopped himself as he heard the loud, piercing sounds of my painful crying. The cry of udder emotion. The cry of depression.

"I-I'm so s-sorry!" and that was it, I hung up.

I was so angry at myself for pushing my only friends away but yet I continue to do so.

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Monday rolled around and my mind raced with thoughts. Am I going to push the boys further away or am I going to let them in?

Scarlett stop being so stupid.

Kids raced down the halls finding there classes. Whispers, laughs, and giggles filled the room with sound. Boys pushing each other around, girls smiling and taking pictures, different groups just going their own thing and here I was alone.

Why am I doing this to myself? I have the boys. They want to be my friend but my mind forces me to shove them away.

Is this just another form of punishment for myself?

Those boys mean everything to me yet I'm trying to lock them out of my life to punish myself.

But I have this thought in the back of my mind. The guys are to good for me. They have better things to do then to put up with my bullshit. Happiness is what they deserve and to have such a broken person like me as a friend always having to worry about is not happiness. So maybe that's why I'm pushing them away. I don't want to have to be their burden . If for them to be happy I must get out of their lives.

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a bit of a filler for the next chapter so 😁 please favorite comment and share??? Thank you so much for 1.52k I love you guys!!!