𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐎𝐘𝐒 𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐊𝐄𝐑 𝐑𝐎𝐎𝐌; 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐞𝐧

➝ ⁿⁱⁿᵉ

⊰ 𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚜𝚎'𝚜 𝙿𝙾𝚅 ⊱

he's right.
he's right and i hate it.
but what's he gonna do? it's not like he has some kind of control over me.
besides, being a fucking dick is a personality trait in my eyes.
its how i stay on top.
i know its not going to get people to like me, but i rather be disliked then have a low self esteem.
look at it this way- if i don't make myself feel like i'm on top of the world, nobody will. 
i know it makes me look like the biggest dick on the planet but i need to have my own back if nobody else will.
besides, i could care less about what he thinks of me. i know i'm an asshole. i'm happy with that. 
but onto better things, he think i don't know that he found my toy. 
its hilarious, i walked in right before he shoved it into the bag. 
he feels so guilty and he thinks i don't know! like cmon kiddo, its written all over your face.
oh cry me a river eubanks, its just a vibrator. get over it.
i don't get why people make such big deal about sex toys. 
like jeez, a guys gotta do what a guys gotta do. 
people make such a huge deal about masturbation.
cmon guys, lets be mature about this and degrade one another for sexual pleasure.
you do not know how many times people have called me gross because they found out about this.
and i have no shame about it, its not gross and i like it.
deal with it.
bitch.
:)
i mean, whats the point in shaming someone? its practically one person sex. theres nothing wrong with it. 
shaming is just as bad as crying in front of people.
speaking of which, i can't fucking believe i let that little shit get to me!
people really don't know what their words can do to someone.. 
shit, i know i'm an asshole and i know my attitude is gonna bite me in the ass somewhere in the future but oh my god. you could've been a bit more delicate with that noen.
i understand that i don't deserve the sympathy but that doesn't mean you should make me cry.
or anybody else.
well i can't really talk, i make people cry all the time-
honestly, i only started to cry because i thought about it.
if i didn't start thinking about it i would've been fine.
just knowing that being self absorbed was the only thing that could make me confident about myself made me sad.
am i really that bad?..
is putting others down all that can make me feel good about myself? 
why did god curse me with this disgusting personality.
i know its not hard to be nice but everything i've ever been through in my entire life just ruins my mood whenever it gets the chance.
i'm always upset.
so instead of just being a decent person i act like an asshole and take my problems out on everyone else.
great, now i'm not just an asshole but i'm a egotistical asshole with insecurities and anger problems. 
sometimes i feel like everyone else would be better off without out.
but if i were to end my life everybody i love would go insane.
little do they know i'm just making their lives worse.
yeah, and i know suicide is a selfish act but if i were to ever attempted it would be to make everyone else's lives easier. 
especially noen.
he 's forced to be my roommate for the next three years, which means he has to put up with my shit all the time.
he deserves better then that.
better the this school.
better then me.
and don't tell me to stop being a jerk, because if i do then everyone gonna act all surprised and make jokes and i'm gonna snap.
then i'll really be a jerk.
it's hard trying to perfect yourself in everyone else's eyes.
its complicated and hard to understand but i know if i could sit down and just learn to love myself for who i am i can change my attitude.
but i hate myself.
i hate everything about myself.
if i were to write down everything that was wrong with me on a piece of paper, i would be writing for hours.
sometimes i just wanna lock myself in a closet and cry until i can't anymore.
but i don't.
i hold it in.
and when i come across anyone, anyone at all. 
i snapping at them.
like an asshole.
again.
i'm just a loop of scary, disrespectful and insecure.
thats my life.
scary.
disrespectful.
insecure.
thats why i formed my issues.
its all my dad's fault.
he decided it was a good idea to be in and out of my life all the time.
i guess i was too busy being disrespected to care.
not to mention he always put me down and insulted me.
and scary? well. he was just a really scary dude.
and that was just when he was around.
and my mom never helped, she was too busy giving char and her father all her attention to care.
so there i sat.
crying into my pillow at the age of 14 because my father didn't love me.
i haven't seen him since then, but still. 
its really affective.
oh no.
i'm turning into my father. 
EW.
i am not my dad! 
he doesn't even deserve to be called my dad! 
he is the devil!
and i never want another father figure, i thank Marc for helping my mom bring charli into this world but he is not my dad. 
i don't have a father, and i don't want one.
just like i don't have friends, or family, or a lover.
all i have is anthony and charli, and thats all i need.
so take your petty ass love, and your friendship somewhere else because i'll piss on that fairy tale bullshit. 

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chase got really REALLY close wit y'all in this one. now go on and yell at him in the comments. lil mf confusing as fuck here-