A Second Chance

Chapter 8

3 days... its been 3 days, or at least I think it has, since that little incident. I haven't left my room for anything other than to use the bathroom. I've survived of the rations from my bedside cupboard... bottled water and crisps. Am I hungry? Yes, but the pain of starvation feels so good right now. It takes my mind off the real pain... the heartbreak.

My floor is scattered with pieces of broken glass and numerous bloodstains. Blood from either my feet after stepping in glass or the lucky drops that escaped my wrists. Cori would have been so disappointed in me. Oliver left me so many messages and voice notes. He is so hurt that he couldn't help me as a psychologist or as a friend. I don't know how to explain to him that it isn't his fault that my emotions got the best of me. He'll still find a way to blame himself. Matthew is probably getting himself drunk right now so that he doesn't have to feel the sadness of what I've done.  Alcohol is his coping mechanism and not a good one at all, but then again... who am I to judge? I hope Oliver is with Matthew. Don't tell him I said this, but I really wouldn't want anything to happen to him because of me. I care about him too much. He is like a younger brother to me.

I decide to check my phone again, I haven't checked it since 2 days ago. There are probably a million more messages and tons of missed calls, I kept the phone on silent. I scroll through the calls... 
Oliver: 67 missed calls
Matthew: 45 missed calls and 3 voice messages
Unknown Number: 1 missed calls and 1 voice message
Luce: 29 missed calls and 2 voice messages

I knew Oliver would be worried but I didn't think he'd be this worried. I feel kind of bad now, but I'm not really in the mood to talk to anyone at all. I want to hear their voices but I don't want them to hear mine. It sounds painful, it feels painful. My voice is hoarse, broken and filled with pain. It hurts to talk... both physically and emotionally. The only way to hear their voices would be to play the voice messages...

Matthews Voice Message 1:  I don't know if you're gonna hear this now, but I'm sorry for everything. Please don't do anything to hurt yourself. I don't want you to be hurt. Please, you're like my brother, I don't want to see you in pain. I feel like if you do something, it will be my fault because I'm the idiot that brought up the l-word. I should have known better. Sorry Dude.

Oh. Matt's voice sounds so hurt. He really is beating himself up for this. I-

Matthews Voice Message 2: Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Dudeeeeee, wusssssuuuuuppppp. 

Oh no. He's drunk. God, I pray Oli is with him. *gulps* At least his voice doesn't sound hurt anymore...

Matthews Voice Message 3: Dudeeeee. My furniture is like talking to each other. Bed is angry that Aircon is always spending time with Wall, but Aircon is angry that Bed is spending so much time with Pillow. I don't know what to do. They just keep bickering and shouting at each other. It's killing my head. Like even Fan is angry at me, saying I don't use her as much as I use Aircon. I can't deal with all this pressure Dude!! 

Oh dear lord. He is very drunk. Very extremely drunk. In any other circumstance, this would have been hilarious. I'd be laughing my butt off, but unfortunately, I caused this. I'm the reason that his head is spinning and he is hearing his furniture talk. It's my fault... not that I'm surprised though. Most bad things that happen are my fault. Do you disagree? Don't forget what I did to Hannah, Cori, my foot and now Matt.

Unknown Number? Who could that be? It's probably my mum, I don't think I saved her number...

Unknown Number Voice Message: Ermm, Hi William. It's Elizabeth. I don't know why you bailed on me the other day, but I'm sorry if it's my fault. I know about Corianne, and I'm really sorry for your loss. Corianne was a wonderful person and we used to be friends. Your mum called me the other day and apologised for you running off, but I completely understand that you're not ready to get back out there. I won't deny that I was really looking forward to meeting up with you, but it's fine. Your mum also said gave me your number. Ermm... y-yeah, bye. Take care of yourself.

Now I feel bad. I feel awful. I can hear her voice breaking and her sniffling towards the end. I shouldn't have just run off on her. She has a pretty voice. She sounds like a wonderful person, not as wonderful as Cori. Urghhh... if I keep making that comparison, I'll never move on. I don't want to move, do I? No, that would be like betraying Cori. I can't do that to her. She never once hurt me when she was here. Which is ironic because the mere thought of her now makes my heart bleed. It makes my head throb and my eyes sting. 

I really really hope that Luce's message is more cheerful... 

Luce's Voice Message 1: Hi William. I know that you aren't in the right frame of my mind right now. Oliver caught me up on what's been happening. I'm really sorry you have to go through this. I hope you know that you can always talk to me. I may just be your younger sister, but I'll always be here for you. You haven't really spoken to me since what happened. I won't say this to your face, but I do love you. Even though you're literally the MOST annoying big brother ever!! Probably not the best time to big that up, sorry. Anyways... bye!

Well, that was surprising. It is true, I haven't really spoken to my sister since the accident. I miss her. I feel bad for not talking to her but it makes me feel very happy that she still cares about me. Even if I was a douche to her. I can't believe I leave her in the house with my mum and dad. She deserves better. Maybe she should come and live with me. That would be a big brother like thing to do, right? 

Luce's Voice Message 2: Oh heads up!! Mum gave your number to that Elizabeth girl!! She's going to call you. Also... Mrs Oteran and Mum have been planning how to get you and Elizabeth to go out again. GOODLUCK!

Ow, my ears. She didn't have to scream and also a bit too late to warn me. Maybe I'll let her stay with mum and dad just so she can spy on them. I know it's not a nice thing to do, but knowing what's happening at home, maybe an advantage to me. Like now I know that Mum hasn't given up on this rather insane idea. Is the idea really insane though? I mean, I'm a loner right now. Is it bad that I want what I had with Cori? The only problem is that I don't want that with anyone other than Cori. 

Ohh, the things I used to do for love. The person I used to be when I still believed in love. The happy go, lucky guy, with pretty good looks... if I do say so myself. 

I'm drifted out of my thoughts when there's a knock at my front door. It couldn't possibly be Oli, Matt, Luce or my parents. In a very confused state, I bring up my front door camera on my laptop...

Oh dear lord-
Just my luck-

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And that's the end of the chapter!!
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With love
~Farry