Set Free

Set Free Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven

I stared into my full-length mirror, glaring at my appearance. I was wearing a short,  purple dress with a poofy skirt, covered in black lacey material. I bit my lip. This was the dress I'd worn to Justin's parent's vow renewal.

His parents had been having marital problems for a while, and not long after they had officially separated, the had realized they couldn't live without each other and were back together. But they had still wanted to somehow show to their relatives and friends the change that had taken place and that they were still very much in love. I thought the gesture was sweet.

I knew I looked gorgeous in this dress, but I didn't want to wear it to the dance.  Not in the least.

Because, unfortunately, this dress brought back memories. Memories of that night, when I had danced the night away, safe in Justin's arms. I didn't think dancing with anyone else could ever be better than that. But nevertheless, since this was the only dress I owned that was fit for a dance, I had to wear it.

I slipped down the stairs to see my parents in the living room, watching television together. My mom held a camera, and unfortunately she snapped a picture of me before I could get out of the door. I yelled a goodbye to my parents, and opened the door. It was chilly outside; and I was glad I had decided to skip the football game. I wasn't much of a sports junkie. And I 'd also needed to try to regain my energy for the dance, after the strenuous day I'd had.

I hopped into my car, and began driving away. I was on my way to a night not easily forgotten.

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When I entered the gym that night, I was shocked by the change. It looked completely different, thanks to the cheerleaders, who had spent the entire time from the end of school until the football game earlier. It looked absolutely amazing.

"Amber." I turned and saw Nick walking over to me.

Wow, I thought. He cleans up well. Wait, what are you thinking? You can't think that! Stop thinking that! UGH I said stop!

I recovered from my internal battle in time to realize he'd said hi to me.

"Hi." I said awkwardly. I was so embarrassed to have him see me like this. In a dress. In a dress that I knew made me look awesome.I was still forever Justin's .And I still didn't want anything to change between us.

Good luck with that, I told myself

"You look really amazing." He told me.

"Thanks." I said simply. I really wanted to compliment him back on his own looks, but I was afraid he might get the wrong idea if I did. It's better to be safe than sorry, after all.

For most of the dance, I was bored, to be honest. The food sucked, the music was tolerable, and I hated being seen in a dress. I was constantly being asked to dance because of this stupid dress.

I wouldn't dance with anyone, and I finally I heard the call for the last dance of the night, and it was going to be a slow dance.

I saw Nick coming up to me. He had been hanging out with his friends for the dance since he had spent all Homecoming activities with me. And it's not like I was his date, so he wasn't obligated to have to spend any time with me. Honestly I was curious why he was even coming over to me at all.

"May I have the honor of the last dance?" He asked me, bowing and holding out his hand.

Awwww, A romantic, unwanted part of me thought. I decided I'd have to ridicule my thoughts later, since Nick was waiting for an answer.

"I don't know, Nick," I told him. "It's a slow dance....."

He stood back up to his full height, and said, "Hey, you promised! Don't go back on your word!"

I didn't promise him that, did I? I only said I would.......definitely dance at least once with him......., I remembered. Shoot, he's right.

"Okay, fine. Alright." I couldn't not dance with him when I promised, right?

But promise or not, it was a bad idea.

The music started, and Nick led me out onto the dance floor from my seat on the sidelines. He placed one hand on my wait and his other hand in mine, and my skin tingled furiously. I, in turn, placed one hand on his shoulder, and timidly grasped his hand with mine.

For a minute, I just stared at our ever-moving feet, but I knew I had to look up sometime. It took me awhile, but when I finally did, I felt immediately captured by his eyes. They looked so deep, and so kind. I felt so caught up, and I felt like I could barely breathe. I was also painfully aware of my heart pounding endlessly in my chest. This feeling, being in his arms and moving gracefully, while looking into his beautiful eyes, was amazing. I was completely wonderstruck by it.

From what I could tell, he seemed to be enjoying this as much as I was. And I could honestly say I had never felt this way when I danced with Justin. It didn't even compare.

But I was kind of angry at myself, because I couldn't explain any of this to myself.  I loved Justin. And I didn't even like Nick. This feeling wasn't like. I knew that. I had no idea what this feeling was. And I also wasn't too sure that I even wanted to know. I felt so scared and unsure right then. It felt like it was going on forever, and I never wanted it to end. I just hated being so confused.

Just like that, it was over. The music ended, and Nick let go. I felt an immediate, incredible sense of loss.

"Thanks for keeping your promise." He said to me, smiling brightly.

I simply nodded, and then I headed to my car in a daze. I felt like it was a wonder I even made it home without crashing, that was how out of it I was. And when I reached home, that's when the tears began. Thankfully the tears waited until I'd reached my room so I didn't have to explain to them what happened, because I had no idea what had just happened myself.

I felt like I'd done something awful, and I'd only just danced with Nick. But I felt like I'd disrespected the memory of when I had danced with Justin, because this, dancing with Nick, had been amazing. I couldn't figure out why, and I had no name for the feeling that I always felt when he touched me, or when I was around him. When we were together, it was like I became instantly happy. And I had no clue as to why.

So, since I felt so guilty, I decided to make up for it by immersing myself in Justin. I pulled out of my still unopened boxes my diaries and pictures of those months with him, and just sat there and put myself into them. I was reliving everything in my mind, every moment, every kiss. That night he told me he loved me. I knew it wasn't healthy, but at this point I really didn't care. I felt so bad for feeling so happy with Nick that it was hurting me.

And I felt like I had to do something about it. I needed to go back to my safe escape of the pain of loss, instead of the much worse pain of betrayal.