Weeping Her Lost Desires (Baby Daddy Series #1)

Kabanata 18

Kabanata 18

ICU

I named my daughter after the late Augusta Ada Byron. The second time I reconsidered it was the time it hit me that her name initials were the same as Anselmo. I thought about it anxiously. But I decided to name her that despite the resemblance with Anselmo's.

Both have AN as their initials. That's the least thing that I could give her that's close to her father. Naisip ko na hindi naman masama kung bibigyan ko siya ng bagay na puwedeng makapagpaalala sa ama niya. I'm completely erasing Anselmo from my life, but I know I could not remove him from his daughter's.

She'll ask about him eventually. I don't want to give her hope that she'll be easily accepted, but I don't want to refrain my baby from knowing her father.

Napatigil ako sa pagsasagot ng sheets ko nang biglang may isang pangalan na matagal ko nang hinihintay ang nag pop-up sa screen ng selpon ko. Malakas ang tunog nito kaya narinig ko pang nagising ang anak ko sa ingay.

"Shhh, baby. Stop crying..." Binuhat ko siya at naglakad papunta sa kwarto ni Grace.

"Shemuel, I told you. Surprise nga. I'll see you," malandi niyang sabi.

Napalingon siya sa akin nang lumakas pa lalo ang iyak ni Augusta.

"Bye! August is crying!"

I glared at her as Augusta cried even harder because of her loud voice.

"I need you to take care of my baby a bit. I have to finish my sheets at... kailangan kong kausapin ang kaibigan ko," paliwanag ko habang hinehele pa rin si Augusta.

"Sure..." mahina niya sabi sabay kuha sa anak ko. Inabot ko rin sa kaniya ang bote ng breastmilk.

Ilang linggo ko lang kinaya ang breastfeeding. After no'n ay kumukuha na lang ako sa sinalihan ni Grace na organisasyon. It's nice to have other Moms' support. Willing silang magbigay ng kanilang breastmilk sa mga nangangailangan na babae. Lalo na sa mga bagong ina, kagaya ko.

Nang wala na akong narinig na iyak galing sa anak ko, dumiretso na ako sa kwarto at sinara ito.

I saw five missed calls from her thru messenger. I breathed when I saw her name popped on the screen again.

"K-Kelly?" My voice croaked.

"You! Hinanap kita! I asked your parents about you and they wouldn't tell me anything! Bakit hindi mo ako inimbita sa kasal mo?! How could you!" she kept on rambling. "Kung hindi pa ako na-bored at tumingin-tingin sa mga libo kong request messages, hindi ko malalaman na chinat mo ako!"

"Kelly..." napapaos kong tawag.

Narinig ko sa kabilang linya ang hagulgol niya kaya napasinghot na rin ako.

"I cannot talk long. I have a paper due tomorrow, but I promise, we'll talk immediately once I'm done..."

Huminga ako ng malalim nang matapos ang tawag. Pinilit kong tapusin ng mas maaga ang lahat ng kailangan kong gawin para makausap ko si Kelly ng mas maaga.

May pasok ako bukas pero karamihan ay puro may ipapasa lang. Atat na atat akong umuwi pagkatapos ng huli kong klase. Sa trenta minutong pauwi ay hindi talaga ako mapakali.

"Hilda, I'll feed August. Magsa-shower lang ako saglit," sabi ko.

Hinintay ko muna siyang sumagot sa sinabi ko bago tumuloy na para magpalit. I want to be clean whenever I hold Augusta. I also want to reflect in the shower as well.

I will talk to Kelly. I'll tell her everything. I'll just ask her to keep it for now. She deserves everything. I won't leave her hanging again. She helped me with a lot of struggles.