Why do people do the things they do? Why do we really hurt those we care about?
Life's lessons can be harsh and misunderstandings can tear us apart. When communication breaks down - will we be able to fix the damage we've caused or are the rifts too...
I smiled at the two men who had become treasured people to me. I'd told them a little about what I remembered though I guess the infections had set in not long after I'd escaped Qīpiàn City; my wounds weren't treated and I didn't want to go to anyone who might pretend to care but would really call the authorities or someone who would put my name in a computer which would 'ping' that person - that would only have sent me back to Izuka Yang.
"You don't have to tell us you know? We're asking because we want to know how you ended up here, or why you chose here to be." A soft smile, a gentle hand wearing black gloves enveloping mine and warmth gradually spreading from the small contact.
"Mn. We want to help you." Agreed the male in white.
"It's okay, I .... I think I'm ready to tell you. I've been here a while now and I don't know how to say what everything you've done for me means to me." I squeezed the hand that held mine and I reached out to hold the hand of the other, who permitted the contact.
I told Lan Wuxian and Lan Yibo the story of what had happened to me; about my relationship with Izuka Yang and how in the beginning everything had been wonderful, then I how I noticed how things were not going as smoothly between us. Our relationship had deteriorated and finally broken down between us after we'd gone out to celebrate my eighteenth birthday and I'd been raped by more than one of his friends, but when I'd told my boyfriend he didn't believe me...
I didn't even notice as the tears had welled and overflowed, leaving tracks over my cheeks, until the stoic Lan Yibo had kneeled down in front of me and wiped my face gently with a handkerchief from his sleeve.
"If it hurts so much you don't have to continue." He expressed his concern for my tears.
"I want... I want to finish telling you." Shaking my head I gave him a watery smile.
"I'm pretty sure I ran out of money in the second week after I walked out but I didn't have much to begin with you know? Leaving in the middle of the night and taking nothing but what you found me with. My phone was stolen during one of the bus trips while I was sleeping. I was moving around as much as possible for maybe a month since I ran out of bus fare. I knew I had to get as far away from my... my ex-boyfriend. I mean, I didn't care where I was going, only that I knew I had to leave and I had to keep moving, to keep going as far as I could. I'm still scared that he is going to find me or that his friends will. I vaguely remember hitch-hiking and walking from town to town. At that point I didn't know where I was going to end up or if I cared very much honestly, as long as I wasn't anywhere near him or anyone who might know him or who he was, or who I was. I don't think I cared that I didn't know who I was by the time you found me. At that time I would have been happy to wake up dead."
I rubbed my hands over my face with the confusing mix of feelings that were crowding me. Anxiety, worry, fear, and relief. Relief I was telling someone and the weight in my chest felt a tiny little bit lighter.
"You guys took me in without knowing who I was or why I was even here. You fixed my physical wounds but you didn't just do that, you know? You healed me physically, you've fed and clothed me, and you've even given me a job when I finally convinced you I want to repay your kindness, but you also helped heal my heart that I thought would always be broken and crushed. I'm so very grateful that you found me and you are helping me to heal mentally and emotionally from what's happened and I believe you won't judge me or use these things I'm telling you to hurt me." I felt the words run out of my mouth like a runaway train but I knew they all came from my heart.
"You've given me a room of my own to rent for a few months since I said I want to try and make my own way in Liánhuā Hú. I want to still stay close to you guys, you know? Thanks to you I've got my own little place and a job and ... a-and I really, really want to thank both of you for everything - for doing all this for me and not knowing anything about me. Thank you. Lan Yibo, Lan Wuxian." I burst into tears again, throwing myself into Lan Yibo's arms and hugging him tightly causing a bright laugh to erupt from Lan Wuxian before he wrapped his arms around the both of us.
"I told you he likes you my Hanguang Jun, my hubby, my Lan Zhan. You don't have to worry about him forgetting us." I thought I heard Lan Wuxian whisper to his red eared, white clothed husband.
* * * * * * *
I've changed a lot since I walked out. Some days I feel like could finally be who I used to be and other days I still want to be someone else. The days I don't like myself are less, slowly, though I don't think they will ever go away for good. The Lan family have taught me how to respect myself again, how to love myself. Living with the two men I was lucky enough to be rescued by for the last seven months has helped me believe in myself and trust myself - I don't let people walk over me or use me the way I used to allow. One day between tutoring students and working at Wàng Jī, Lan Wuxian snapped a photo of me on his mobile phone and showed it off to everyone at the bar who would take notice - just like he is a proud father (totally embarrassing me of course) but his actions made me feel like I'm cared for, I'm wanted here.
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Wàng Jī - Chinese meaning: free of worldly concerns, above the fray, at peace with the world
Lǚdiàn - Chinese meaning: inn, hotel
Liánhuā Hú - Chinese meaning: Lotus Lakes
Qīpiàn- Chinese meaning: Deceit or cheat. In this case they lived in Deceit City
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ABOVE: Jinhong Eijirou (Jimin) and Kim Mitzuki (Taehyung/V) dancing in their bartending uniforms
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SONG/ARTIST: Friends by BTS ( V [Kim Taehyung] and Jimin of BTS)
