Bold= My thoughts
Character by SSBULover2018
Original name: Camari Mai
Nice name!
Nickname: Cam (though it isn't used)
I don't really think it's necessary, to have a nickname that's not used, unless they're someone in her past that uses it, but nobody else is allowed to.
Creepypasta Name: The Albatroz (?)
I like it!
Gender: Female
Pronouns: She/her
So far, so good.
Species: Half human, half mouse/rat
So, a hybrid? I hope this is explained in the backstory. (It is!)
Nationality: American (?)
Okay.
Age: 19
Pretty good age.
Sexuality: Bisexual
Ayyyy! A Bi friend! (I'm bi too)
Appearance: (I can tag it)
I actually really like the design, but I think it's best to maybe change the hair color a bit, bc it's a bit odd for her to have natural blue hair. . . . Unless she doesn't. I don't know. It might help to make the hair fade from a natural color to the color blue, or make her have blue streaks instead.
Zodiac: Sagittarius
No problem there.
Weight: 105
Height: 5'9
Body type: (I have it in her drawing)
Okay.
Backstory: (in the tag as well)
1) Why would everyone hate her bc she's scared of rats when they have a rat infestation?
2) Why was she experimenting with a mouse bc she's scared of mice?
3) I think the word potion isn't the best way to word that, bc it makes it sound mystical instead of creepy. It might help to call it a substance instead.
4) I don't know if it's the best to have the Camari just suddenly snap after one day of bullying, especially since killing someone is a big step that doesn't take a day to decide. It might be better to have it happen over months, and maybe have her kill small animals every now and then to take out her anger, before she decides to make the bigger step of killing her bullies.
Personality: somewhat kind, protective over her friends, can be a savage at times, quiet at times
Maybe try working on her personality a bit. It makes sense, but doesn't quite line up with her backstory.
Mental Disorder: none
Have you researched the disorder: no
Alright, this is good.
How she kills: She kills with a axe she made herself. She likes to kill people who are alone and
can't be saved.
That's a bit vague. Does she just kill them how she can? Is it gruesome? Does she like to do it? This part needs to be elaborated on.
Why she Kills: She snapped after everyone hated and feared her after experimenting herself with a rat/mouse.
This lines up with the backstory nicely.
Weaknesses: the creepypastas used against her, the same townspeople she knew
I thought she hated them?
Abilities: A bit of speed
I think it might help to add a bit more strengths.
Weapons: An axe
Nice weapon!
Fears: cats, her axe being broken, mousetraps
Does she just not fear mice anymore?
Significant other: none
Alright!
Okay, final thoughts:
-It's a great OC, and I really like her design.
-I think you should work on the certain parts I pointed out, but other than that, it's pretty good!
-You don't have to take my advice if you don't want to! It's your OC!
7/10
YOU ARE READING
Creepypasta OC Reviews (DISCONTINUED!)
RandomWhy am I doing this? No idea other than I'm bored. Should I be doing this? Probably not. Am I doing it? YES. ~~~~ This book is brought to you by Derp Steven. Why Derp Steven? No clue. ~~~~ There will be a form in the first chapter. Also, I will be b...