Creepypasta OC Reviews (DISCONTINUED!)

Form 4- Nightmare

OC by Nina_Hopkins_Woods

Bold= My thoughts

Original name: Evelyn Rogers

That's a pretty nice. 

Nicknames: Evie, Natsuki

Why is her nickname Natsuki?

Cp name: Nightmare

It's a bit of a cliche name but I see your reason behind it. I think there's still a better way to name her.

Gender: female

Pronouns: she/her

Okay.

Species: half human, half demon; realm walker; undead

That sounds really cool actually.

Nationality: American

Cool.

Age:15

Okay.

Sexuality: straight

Noice.

Appearance: shoulder length black to blue hair w/ white to dark purple highlights; black crop hoodie w/ navy blue detail, black ripped skinny jeans, black knee high heeled boots w/ red laces, purple crop top with fishnet; blue beanie, black leather fingerless gloves, black face mask; one black one white eye; half stitched, half cut smile snow white skin; demon horns

1) I like the hair design.

2) Hoodies with jeans are a bit cliche in creepypasta OCs, so I think that should be slightly different.

3) Why are her eyes different? And her mouth cut? That's also really similar to Jeff the Killer.

4) I really like the accessories. 

Zodiac: Aquarius (the funny thing is, is that she is Zalgo's daughter xD)

That's ironic.

Weight: 110 lbs

Okay.

Height: 5' 6"

That's pretty average.

Body type: smol bean

That's cute.

Backstory: was Toby's adopted younger sister, abused and bullied by Toby, driven into a deep depression, committed suicide (sorta), discovered her powers, became a proxy of Zalgo and a princess of hell cuz she's Zalgo's child, fights against the slender mansion (that's the basics of it anyway)

1) Sometimes, having canon characters in your backstory can be a bit much in creepypasta backstory. I would recommend changing that a bit. 

2) Why did Toby abuse her? I feel like there should be more explanation for that, for example, they were horrible to each other for the longest of time. 

3) I feel like it would be better to have Nightmare be a proxy to Zalgo without being her dad, bc that's a bit cliche. She could also be a proxy to get back at Toby.

Personality: loner, depressed, full of attitude, hates everything (except her sisters), quiet

This matches her backstory a lot.

Mental disorder: clinical depression, anxiety, tourettes

Why does she tourettes? She's not fully related to Toby, and I feel like she's getting too similar to the other creepypastas.

Have I researched the disorders?: Yesh!

That's very good that you did that so you make sure to be accurate.

How they kill: enters the dream and murders them (kinda like Freddy Crougar), or stabs them in the neck, no matter what she says "Sweet dreams!~"

I love it! 

Why they kill: Enjoys killing, Zalgo's daughter and proxy, relieves stress

Pretty good.

Weaknesses: Her sisters

That's very understanding. Family can be a huge weakness to anybody.

Abilities: going into people's dreams, realmwalking

Cool. 

Weapons: knife, dual hand guns, and small poisoned darts on her boots

Cool weapons.

Fears: seeing anyone from her past life, especially Toby

That makes sense.

Significant other: Masky, but doesn't know it yet

Masky is about 25. Nightmare is 15. I don't see how that will work. Also, again,, interaction with canon characters can get a bit cliche.

Do I like my OC?: YASSSSS!

That's good!

Description of their relationship: it's a romeo and juliet sorta thing

I can see how that would work considering they're on different sides.

Dynamic: tsundere. It's tsundere cuz they crush on each other but try to pretend like they hate each other and it fails miserably. Idk I'm still working on that part xD

Yeah, it might help to work on that a bit more.

Final thoughts:

-I feel like you should work on your OC a bit more. They come off a bit cliche, but I do like it!

-Please make sure to have reason for everything.

5/10