“No,” he says quietly. “I should have died long before I slit my wrist.”
Summer’s breath catches in her throat as he says this. She’d known that the scar on his wrist was something he’d done to himself, but him saying it out loud still hits her like a kick in the gut.
“What happened?” She asks before even realizing the words are out of her mouth. The pain in his eyes makes her wish she hadn’t said anything. “You don’t have to-”
“No, it’s fine,” he interrupts. “You should probably know.”
“You don’t have to if you don’t want me to.”
“I do. I do want to tell you,” he says locking gazes with hers. She can see years of pain and guilt flickering deep within them, and her heart yearns to help him. “For the first time in my life, I want to tell someone.”
Summer nods her head. She knows whatever he’s about to say is going to hurt. “Okay, take your time, and don’t feel like you have to.”
“You said this scar doesn’t define me,” he says quietly as he runs his hand down the long scar stretching more than halfway up his forearm. “That might be true, but… this one does.” He carefully reaches up and peels down the colar of his shirt so Summer can see the top of a scar in the center of his chest.
“Is that…” she trails off as he nods.
“A heart transplant, yes,” Anthony says his voice subdued with grief.
“Oh, I’m…” Summer isn’t entirely sure what to say to him. “Why- what happened?”
“I was um... I was sick, I was 16 then.” he says around a swallow. “Like really really sick, Summer. They didn’t catch what it was until I had at best a few days. My chest always hurts and I just always cry to myself, feeling that maybe I am just going to die as a college student, having no future at all”
“I’m sorry,” Summer says and squeezes his hand.
“I thought I was going to die every time I fell asleep, so when I passed out I figured I would just never wake up again. I was at the bottom of the donor list, so it made sense, and I was fine with it. I was fine dying at the age of 16” He looks away from her and wipes at his eyes with the back of his hand that isn’t clasped in hers.
“Then I woke up. They said I was going to be okay, but I haven’t felt remotely okay since it happened. It’s like feeling like part of you is gone and it’s been replaced with something, something that really doesn’t belong to you. Something so much better than you. Something you’ll never deserve, no matter how hard you try.”
“I’m sorry,” Summer says gently leans her head comfortingly against his shoulder.
Anthony keeps his eyes glued on the far wall as he takes a deep breath. Summer can see tears spilling down his cheeks. “I woke up and felt different, you know? I wasn’t dying anymore but everything seemed so much worse and… and my mom wasn’t there.”
Summer sits up and looks at him. She can feel it coming like some awful wave getting ready to crash down over her with an earth shattering truth. She feels like she’s going to choke even before Anthony speaks again.
“There had been a car accident.”
“Anthony… I-”
His breathing is heavy like he’s battling off a panic attack, and he squeezes his eyes shut. His eyebrows knit together like what he’s about to say is causing him physical pain. When he finally speaks, his words are choked and broken. “She was a perfect match.”
YOU ARE READING
The Ways in Which I Die (COMPLETED)
RomanceSummer's not that excited about her job. Anthony's not that excited about his life. They meet somewhere in the middle and Maybe just might have a path to happiness...
