The Ways in Which I Die (COMPLETED)

CHAPTER 15: " I LOVE YOU, SUMMER"

SUMMER

Summer pulls open the apartment door to head to work and finds herself standing face to face with Anthony.

A confusing wave of emotions floods over her a breathtaking torrent. First comes relief, it’s so strong and she releases a breath she didn’t know she was holding. He’s okay, or he looks okay, much better than he had yesterday.

He looks slightly hungover, but he also lookes like he’s cleaned himself up… a lot. And he’s definitely not dead like she had feared most of the night.

“You're okay…” she chokes just as the anger hits her. He’s fine, which means he could have called her any time over the past 12 hours instead of making her worry.

Sure she would take him being okay and not calling her over him being hurt and calling her any day, but she’s still angry. “Why the hell didn’t you call me? I thought maybe you were dead! You just get up and vanished! I called you, you know? And then I called around to hospitals and then I went looking for you! Anthony, where the hell were you!”

“I uh…” he mutters quietly and stares at the floor for a few seconds before lifting his head to face her. “I’m sorry I scared you. I thought I messed everything up with me being drunk on your kitchen floor and all and then snapping at you like I did. Which I’m also sorry about. I know you were just trying to help, and I appreciate it, but I just… I was really mad at myself for letting you find me like that and also for being like that in the first place. I’m so so so sorry I ran off like that. It won’t happen again.”

Summer’s anger boils down back into relief as she looks into his big brown eyes that are conveying a sea of emotions.

“I’m just glad you’re okay,” Summer says and wraps her arms around Anthony in a tight hug. “Please don’t ever do that to me again.”

“I won’t. I promise,” Anthony says softly and rests his chin on her shoulder. 

Summer gives him a quick kiss on the cheek before pulling away. Anthony blushes and clears his throat awkwardly.

“Sorry,” Summer breathes and looks away.

“I um… it’s fine I just wasn’t…” Anthony mumbles before straightening up. “I think we should talk about yesterday.”

“Anthony it’s fine, I understand-”

“But it wasn’t okay, Summer. I have a problem, I got drunk last night and I hurt you because of it, not physically but I know that you're scared of me, and that’s not okay,” Anthony says firmly. “I shouldn’t have been passed out drunk on your kitchen floor. None of it should have happened.”

Overall the events of the previous day hadn’t been that bad apart from worrying about him. Him snapping at her had startled her at first, even scared her a little, but it wasn’t as big of a deal as Anthony seems to think it was. It’d been only a natural response to his anger, and he hadn’t hurt her in any way.

She’d put it on the same level as some of the arguments she’s had Hope over laundry or rent. It certainly hadn’t been anything relationship ending, but it seems to be so much worse from where Anthony is sitting. She can see the guilt in his eyes. It seems like he thinks he’s committed some horrible atrocity, and to him maybe he did.

“I forgive you Anthony,” Summer says, taking one of his hands in hers.

“I don’t want to hurt you…” Anthony says ducking his head.

“You better not be breaking up our little friendship,” Summer says almost as a joke, but completely meaning.

“No, no, nothing like that, just… I think I should find my own place.”

“Oh.” Summer tries to keep the disappointment out of her voice.

“I think I need the space, you know? Time to get my head right so that if this, what me and you have, goes a further I’m ready. I’m a mess, Summer.”

“Anthony, you said you’d let me help you, and I still want to do that.”

Anthony smiles at her weakly. “I know, and you still can, but getting sober, that’s something you can’t do for me. I have to take that step for myself, and I think I’m finally ready to take it. I wasn’t ready before, that’s why getting help didn’t work. I didn’t want it then. I want it now. I’ve- for a long time I was content to just be miserable. That’s why I stayed with Sunset as long as I did, but I’m ready to stop being miserable, I think.” He squeezes her hand a little tighter. “I felt like I was wasting something all those years I spent wallowing in my pain and self pity, and now I know was. This heart…” He guides Summer’s hand up so it’s resting against his muscular chest. She can feel the scar under the thin fabric of his t-shirt. “It was a gift given out of love, and since the moment it was given it really hasn’t done that again. Not really. Until now, that is.” He leans forward so his warm forehead is pressed against Summer’s.  “I love you, Summer.”

Summer bridges the gap and presses her lips against his lips as warm butterflies erupt in her stomach. To her relief Anthony doesn’t fight the move, he only leans in and wraps his strong arms around her.

“I love you too, Anthony,” Summer breathes, and she means it.