My One And Only Poison (18+)-undergoing major editing.

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" Ughh " I sighed  as I combed through my hair , I was getting ready to leave this place .When I had woken up I was alone , xav came and told me the plane was ready to take off.I didn't say anything to him though, nor did I have any intention of talking to him.

" Good morning baby girl. " Xav said to me as I entered the room. I kept silent , there is no way I'm going to give him the satisfaction of talking to me." I'm not going with  you, your bodyguard's they will drop you off at my sisters ." He explained. I kept a blank expression on my face, I didn't care at this point what he was doing. I just wanted to get this over with so I can forget about him."you can't ignore me forever baby girl. I'll come back to you . I love you." He said putting on his glasses. He kissed my forehead as he passed me .

I remained still as he did this, I couldn't allow myself to care about him anymore .I needed to move on.

Time skip

I didn't really talk to anyone on the drive to olivia. "Hey olivia " I said as we reached her house she was with her husband. "hey vee, are you alright " she asked, as we made our way to the house. " I am ok honestly, so how is everything with your husband ."I asked changing the subject. " oh, well everything is great actually." She said smiling.

Lucky her, she had a husband who loved her unconditionally and who would do anything for her,I  wish I could say the same. It's not that I was jealous of her, I wasn't it just hurt to see how happy they were together, it reminded of my dream of having a happily ever after. It's too late for that now I thought.
"Are you hungry," olivia asked smiling. " No I'm ok,I just want to lie down right now if that's ok with you. "I said."Of course anything you need ."she replied.
I went upstairs,  my bags were already in the room. The bodyguards made sure of that, there were four of them. I didn't really know there names, they kept to themselves and they hardly talked.

I unpacked my bags,I felt like just screaming. I hated this feeling, it felt as if I was no longer in charge of my life. As if my life was  a book, and I wasn't the author . Like I was drowning slowly losing myself everyday. who I am , who I was, who I've become.

I  sighed as I stared at the ceiling, was I being punished for some reason. What did I do to deserve this, I mean I wasn't a saint ,but I did believe their was a God .I just don't understand anything anymore. Before everything was so clear, I knew what I wanted ,I wanted to become a lawyer. How ironic I wanted to be a lawyer but instead I ended up marrying a criminal , a gang leader to be exact.

My path was so clear before xav,I had a plan.I had a purpose, I wanted so much for my life.I know it might sound kind of stupid but I wanted to make a difference in the world to leave a mark. To help somebody,  I guess that's why I wanted to be a lawyer, so I can help people. To defend people who have been wrongly accused and to send some of the criminals  behind bars .To make the world a little safer. My father is a lawyer, I just wanted to be like him.

I missed my family,  my life. You know when you read stories or you watch movies. And you see a girl meets a boy then fall in love have kids  and live happily ever after. They don't tell you what happens after, I always wondered what happens after happily ever after. Are we all going to find that happily ever after, are aren't we not lucky enough. who decides who gets happily ever after and who doesn't.

I guess I'm one of the unlucky one, I mean I'm not going to lie I love Xavier,  I do really love him. But what as loving him ever gotten me .It hurts me to leave him, but it hurt me more love him. He is like a poison .I keep drinking it ,even though I  know that it is harmful, that it is slowly killing me. He is so toxic , so dangerous, if  he has trapped you ,you become addicted. So addicted that you are willing to sacrifice yourself ,your happiness just for a piece of him ,for his love ,he is a drug , a poison an addiction. I just couldn't get enough he is insatiable and I would hate him for it , but I don't .I love him instead, I love him for destroying me. I hated myself because of these feelings.

"  Falling  for him was like falling from grace. All wrapped in one  he was so  many sins, would of done anything, everything for him, and if you ask me I would do it again.no need to imagine cause I know it's  true ,they say all good boys go to heaven but bad boys bring heaven to you " I whispered the Julia Michaels, heaven lyrics.  It was if this song was made for me, it told my story. " you don't realize the power they  have until they leave you and you want them back ,nothing in this world prepares you for that. " I whispered as tears came to my eyes. I had promised myself to be strong but here in the room by myself where nobody could see I couldn't hold the tears  back.

Xavier Salvatore my one and only poison, and I loved him for it.

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