Wrapped around His Finger

im not hungry

Trigger warning- there will be talk of anorexia, weight, calorie counting.

Fayth's pov

Lately I've been doing pretty well with eating a healthy diet. But recently my anorexia is back and its kicking my ass. I just wanna be a normal teen girl. But with an eating disorder I feel like I will never be normal.

These past few days the first thing to pop in my head is that little voice telling me not to eat. I've been trying so hard. But I cant do it anymore. Summer is around the corner and I'm not going to fit in my bathing suit. I feel like I'm so fat. I see all these models in magazines and they look so perfect. I wish I could look like them.

I get out of bed and go over to my closet and and pick out a baggy band t shirt. I then pick out a pair of baggy joggers.

As I put on the shirt i realized that it is starting to get a little bit tighter. I hate knowing that I've been gaining weight.

I brush my hair and teeth.

I start to make my wa my down the stairs and Michael follows behind me.

What do you wanna eat this morning? He asks

I'm not very hungry. I say

Fayth. Stop. You havent eaten in two days. I'm really starting to worry about you. Is your e.d. coming back for a visit again?
He looks me in the eyes

I sigh.
To be honest with you, yes. I feel so disgusting. I feel like I'm getting huge. I hate how my shirt is getting tight.  I start to tear up.

He pulls me in for a hug

Fayth, you are not fat. Your shirt is so baggy. I'm afraid. I'm afraid that you're gonna starve yourself so much to the point that you will die. And I cant lose you fayth.
He cries

I hug him back.

I'm sorry that i scared you. I wanna get better. I truly do. I just dont know where to start.

Anorexia isnt just not wanting to eat. For me anorexia us knowing that I'm never gonna be the perfect size. Whenever I eat I feel like I am putting poison in my body. I feel like I'm an elephant. I feel like no matter how much I starve myself I will never be skinny enough. The demons in my head want me to never eat again. To me food is the enemy. I will never be okay. Never! I sob.

He hugs me tightly.

I'm here for you. I will help you fayth. I think you are so amazing. All of us think you are perfect. Luke loves you so much. He thinks you are beyond gorgeous. Do you not see the way he looks at you?! We love you. We are here to get you help. He explained

I'm scared of change mikey. I cry

When we get home we ate gonna talk to mom and dad. I think you need to go somewhere and get help. He says

( Like therapy )

I agree. I say

And no matter what we are all on your side. We love you. He says as he messes up my hair