Wrapped around His Finger

addiction

Trigger warning- drug use and talk of miscarriage

Ashton's pov

It's been like 3 weeks since Brianna had her miscarriage. To be honest I'm not talking it well at all. I know I told brianna I wasnt ready for a baby. But I started to change my mind. I was so excited. I wanted to meet my child. I wanted to have something of my own. That nobody could take away from me. I've been doing pretty bad. I starting using drugs. Prescription pills, and weed. I know I shouldn't but It makes me feel better. It makes me feel on top of the world for a little bit.

Nobody knows.

About a week after the miscarriage I went to my medicine cabinet in my house and popped a few adderall. That made me feel really good. I have smoked weed one time before this. So I decided why not use that. Cause I remember the first time I smoked it I was with brianna. And I felt really great.

Later that day I met up with an old friend. It was only like 10 dollars. He pre rolled 3 blunts for me. I got home and I found a lighter. I lit the first blunt. I put the blunt to my lips and started to smoke it. I instantly felt a little nauseous. I remembered learning that it was normal and my anxiety calmed down. After I finished I layed down. I felt truly amazing. I've been seeking this feeling. I needed this. When my high ended I lit another blunt. And I instantly felt warm and fuzzy. I knew what I was doing was not a great way to cope, but I fucking needed this.
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Ashton's pov (present day)

It was Saturday. I woke up and started my daily routine. I lit a blunt and went and popped 2 adderall.

Today me and the boys were writing songs for our 4th album "CALM"

I KNOW CALM IS ALREADY OUT. JUST GO WITH IT😂

I really didnt want to write any music. I'm not feeling great. I've been getting depressed since the miscarriage.

At least I have something to fix it. I thought to myself as I took a hit from the blunt.

I got some water and popped a third adderall.

I heard a knock at my door. I already knew it was Brianna and fayth. They have been coming over every few days since brianna lost the baby. It's been nice to rebuild my friendship with brianna. I really consider her one of my bestfriends.

I finished my blunt and brushed my teeth really fast. I ran down the stairs and opened the front door.

Hey. I smile

Hey. Brianna and fayth say. I hug them both.

How have you been ash? Brianna asks.

Well I'm living. I say

I know what you mean ashton. Brianna sighs.

Fayth's face drops

What's that smell? She asks

What do you mean? I ask realizing what she was talking about.

It smells like pot. Briana says

Well you two are crazy because I dont smoke pot after that one time. (I ended up getting sick that day)

Brianna shrugs

Okay. Fayth says.

We sat and talked for a while. Then the girls got up to leave. I didnt want them to leave. I dont wanna be alone. But I stayed strong.

I hug both the girls and told them I loved them.

I've slowly been realizing that I still like brianna. But shes with michael and I'm happy for her.

A little bit later and I drive over to calum's house to meet up with the boys to write some songs.

I finished my blunt anr popped 2 heavy anxiety pills and went in.

I didnt realize luke was standing in the door way. His eyes got huge.

Fuck! I think to myself

I walk out of my car and head over to luke.

Please dont try to talk to me about this. I'm fine I say

Ashton. You are not fine. He says grabbing my arm

Get the fuck off of me! I growl

I'm fucking fine. It's my life and I'll live it the way I want to.youre sister just lost my baby. And I need some way to cope. A tear escapes my eyes

Luke hugs me.

Ash, it's going to be okay. Just please dont do drugs. It will only make shit worse. He says

I dont reply.

I know that I'm not gonna stop anytime soon. I'm fine. I'll stop when I feel like I'm doing to much. I'll stop when im ready.

I shake my head. And we walk into calum's house.