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[drugs and reference to suicide]

I hated you so much for that night.
So fucking much.

You didn't answer my calls or texts. I was crumbling with dread and worry so I went to the only place I could think to go.

My fists pounded against the mansion door on Cherry Street.
Yoongi was it?
I couldn't quite remember, but all I knew is that he was close friends with you so he should know where you lived.

A few moments later, the door swung open, revealing a pissed off boy with messy bed hair and a permanent scowl.

"You... Y/N? The fuck are you banging on my door for?"

"Y/N?" Another voice called from behind Yoongi. Jin, yawned and ran a hand through his hair before standing beside Yoongi.

"W-where does Taehyung live?" I asked, not even hiding my tears or broken voice.
Jin scanned my face and his features drooped with worry.

"Y/N are you alright?" He asked, clearly seeing that I wasn't.

"Damn it Jin! Where the hell is Taehyung?!" I exclaimed, startling both of them.

"A-At home probably, what's going on?" Yoongi stammered, now wide awake and panicked too.

"Where does he live?" I whispered, my voice coming out scarier and more threatening than I intended.

"41 Winter B street." Jin instantly replied.
And that was all I needed.
I took off down the street, quickly searching the directions on my phone.

A few minutes later, I was storming past a gate and running up to your porch.
Two loud knocks and no answer.
Another flurry of pounding against the door and I could feel darkness consume me.

A thought flashed in my mind. Of you... in the same position my brother was... clutching a bottle of pills.
I felt like throwing up.

"Open the fucking door! Please please open the door!" I begged.

Then, I heard footsteps.
Like my life depended on it, I placed my ear on the door to make sure I heard correctly.
I did.
There was footsteps.

And the door finally swung open.
You were squinting against the streetlight, rubbing the back of your head looking sleepy.
"Y/N? I was in the middle of a nap..." you mumbled with a yawn.

I was confused. So very confused.

"B-But... the text... the picture..."

You tilted your head before opening your mouth with an 'ahh'.
"It was a joke." You laughed. "I stay up late so my sleep schedules fucked. I got some sleeping pills to help."

A joke.
A fucking joke.

"Is everything a joke to you?! I was so worried about you and... you were just joking?!"

You rolled your eyes and folded your arms.
"You're being overly sensitive again."

There it was. The shift in blame.
I was the sensitive one. I was the one in the wrong.

"Taehyung." I whimpered.
"You knew how much that would scare me didnt you?"

You tilted your head.
"The fuck do you mean? It was just a harmless joke."

"My brother...the pills..."
Your whole demeanour changed. Your arms dropped to your sides and your eyes were wide. You knew you fucked up.

"Ah shit... I'm sorry Y/N... I forgot..."
You stammered, reaching out to grab me but I backed away.

"I hate you."
And with that I turned around and ran away.
You called after me, even ran after me for a little while but I wasn't going to stop running. So you gave up.

I ran all the way home, leaving a trail of tears.
Once in the safety of my home I crumbled to the floor of my dark living room.
Sobbing uncontrollably at the memory of that night.

"Oppa?" I called from the corridor. His door was closed as it usually was.
"Dad said dinners ready!"

He didn't open the door.
"Oppa..." I called again but he didn't answer.
Biting my lip, I wrapped my little hand around the doorknob and twisted.

His room was dark and messy like it usually was.
"Ah there you are." I mumbled, seeing his sleeping figure on the bed.

I skipped beside him and shook his arm a little.
"Wake up sleepy head." I sang, poking him. But he didn't stir awake.
With furrowed eyebrows, I pushed him, and he flopped over, arms sprawling out to reveal an empty orange tinted bottle lightly clasped in one hand.

I knew what they were. They were his prescription pills. He got it refilled a few days before but that night the bottle was completely empty.

My breath quickened as my eyes shifted from the bottle to my brothers calm, sleepy face.
"o-oppa?" I whispered.

Hesitantly, I brought my finger just under his nose like I was taught in first aid class... but I didn't feel warm air against my finger. I didn't see his chest rise and fall.

He wasn't breathing.

It was a memory I tried to forget. I tried to just cover up and move on... that night crying in the dark of my living room was one of the worst since my brother passed.
And it felt like I lost another person.
I felt like I lost you.

Then, the door bell rang.
I expected it to be you. I was nervous, hopeful and angry at the same time.
Another ring.

"Y/N? Are you there?" A sweet voice called out.
"It's me, Jimin. I saw you running like crazy awhile back and you looked upset... are you alright?"

Scrambling to the door, I felt like I was drowning under water and desperately gasping for air.
Like running towards the only beam of light in a dark cave.

I came to realise that Jimin was that light.

Please star, comment and enjoy <3

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