A Choir Of The Coldest Hearts

I'll Hang Myself In Lights

I lean against the column, rolling the two pills over in my hand before I put them into my mouth, swallowing them, the bitter aftertaste remaining on my tongue. I've been craving self-destruction lately. It's such a nice day out, one of the last nice days in fall, a bit too chilly, but manageable with just my thin jacket.

Crushed glass litters the steps, probably from one of Craig's parties. The walls are spray-painted with random words, words I'm too tired to see what they are. This place is supposed to be haunted, but I don't think it is. It just seems lonely, broken and beaten down, like me.

I hear footsteps and look up, expecting it to be Jack or Alex or maybe Craig. But it's not. A boy is sitting a few paces away from me, on the railing of the stairs, watching me with his stunningly colored eyes. It's the boy from earlier.

"Vic," he says, pronouncing my name slowly. "Victor Fuentes."

"How did you know my name?" I ask awkwardly. I can't believe I'm seeing him again. After our last encounter, I'm not exactly certain how to react around him.

He just smiles at me, making me flush. He jumps down from the railing, landing without a sound, climbing the stairs to stand across from me. He's honestly quite beautiful, leaning against one of the graffitied columns.

"What's your name?" I ask, cutting through the silence. "Since you know mine, I should know yours right?"

The boy regards me for a few moments, through long lashes, a small smile on his lips. "Kellin," he says at last.

"Well, nice to meet you," I say. I doubt he's dangerous—the last time, when he was in my room, he didn't try to hurt me.

"You too," Kellin says. He doesn't seem to be in much of a hurry to leave, unlike last time.

"You never explained," I say. "What you are. And how you are...." I don't want to say the last part.

"Dead?" Kellin tips his head. "You're a warlock, aren't you? You should know that really anything is possible."

"Then what are you? A ghost?"

"Basically," he says. He shrugs. "I'm dead. Well, obviously not quite. Something in between I think. I'm not quite sure."

What were you, you know, before?"

"I was human," he says, swinging his legs back and forth. "Or at least kinda. I was a warlock too. A long time ago."

Kellin nods. "We usually can't leave but you trapped me. I don't come out here often. I'm not supposed to be here. But somehow you gave me an easy way out."

"Out of where?"

"The ghost world," Kellin says nonchalantly as if he were saying the cafeteria. He sits down across from me. I notice how he has no shadow. There's no tinkling of glass beneath his sneakers as he shifts his weight. Even as I watch him, he doesn't breathe, his chest motionless and still. It's strange, these sorts of details that you wouldn't notice unless you were looking for them.

"What's it like being alive?" Kellin asks out of the blue.

"What do you mean?" I ask, shifting so I can look at him better.

He shrugs. "I don't know," he says. "It's just been so long I've forgotten. I haven't been here for so long."

"I'm not sure," I reply. "I honestly forget most of the time that I am alive."

"Being alive is a gift," Kellin says. "You should really appreciate it." I shiver at his words. Does he know? No, he can't, right? Unless he saw me take the pills earlier.

"Yeah, I know," I sigh. "I guess you don't really appreciate how beautiful life can be until it's too late."

A branch snaps in the distance, making the two of us jump. I hear voices drawing nearer and glance over at Kellin to warn him. Kellin's eyes widen but before he can duck out of sight, Alex and Jack sprint around the corner.

"Oh, we found you," Alex gasps. "We were worried—oh." His gaze falls on Kellin. "Hello."

"Hi," Kellin says softly. He backs up slightly, edging toward me.

"That's the—" Jack glances at Alex before looking at me. "He's the—"

"This is Kellin," I say. Alex raises his eyebrows at me, making me roll my eyes.

"Is he—" Jack asks. "Like, I mean, did you figure out what he is? Is he—"

"A ghost," Kellin finishes. "I'm dead."

The news doesn't shock either Alex or Jack as much as I thought it would.

"So, you were right," Jack addresses me. "Good to know that you can be once in a while."

"Okay, that's just mean," I laugh. "What did you guys need me for?"

"You're gonna be late for dinner," Alex responds. "C'mon. You literally haven't come to dinner for so long."

"Fine," I groan. "I've been a bit preoccupied the last few weeks, as you can see."

"Oh, we know," Jack smirks. "We know all about that."

"You are so annoying," I sigh. I turn to Kellin. "I'll see you tomorrow?" I'm unsure of what his reply will be. But I do want to spend more time with him. To my relief, he smiles and nods.

"Sure," he says, tucking his hands into the pockets of his black jacket. "I'd like that."

I try to ignore Jack's and Alex's comments as we head back to the dorms.

"You should get him to come with us," Jack says.

"I think the two of you could really hit it off," Alex nudges me. I give him a side-eye, unsure of whether he's being sarcastic or not.

"Shut up," I say. "Or I'm not coming with you."

"Aw, but you have to," Jack says, grabbing my arm. "You don't have a choice." Alex grabs my other arm, dragging me with them as they march off to the dining hall.

"Hey Jenna!" Jack yells. "Look what we dragged in!"

I swear, as I turn, I see a flash of black in the forest, but I can't tell if it's Kellin or not before the door shuts.