A Choir Of The Coldest Hearts

Why The Fuck Am I Falling Apart?

hey fellas. sorry for the last cliffhanger lmao. I haven't had too much inspiration to write (especially this story) lately, but here's the chapter for this week as promised. Thanks for reading!

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It's like I'm floating. I'm disconnected from all of my senses, drowning in a pool of darkness. It's almost nice, the quiet nothingness, free from worry, free from everything. Every so often, I hear a strange rush of air, followed by a quiet pulse, but they start to fade away, getting quieter and quieter, until there's just silence.

Then it's like I'm shocked. Pain floods through my whole body, an uncomfortable sensation spreading through my chest as if I've been stabbed. Light floods in front of my eyes, painfully bright.

As I open my eyes, I see my brother, standing in front of me, the all-too familiar gash torn across his neck, his soulless eyes dark. He snarls at me, lunging to gouge out my eyes before I'm yanked backward.

I'm standing in the forest, bodies strewn across the floor around me. I look down at my hands, horrified to see they're covered in blood. Actually, no. I'm fully drenched in blood, the sticky scarlet soaked through my clothing, saturating my skin. I take a step forward, the world rocking around me as I look down at the first body. It's Alex, a gash torn across his chest, the white of bone showing through. I let out a scream, but no sound comes out. My eyes travel to the body next to him, his hand still in Alex's. Jack's lying half across Alex, as if he tried to protect his boyfriend, even with his last breaths. I stumble backward, bile rising in my throat. My eyes travel across the clearing, seeing Jenna there as well. No, this can't be happening. This really can't be happening. I stumble backward, trying to get as far away from the sigh as possible.

A hand grabs my shoulder and I whirl around to see Kellin standing there. Relief floods me as I rush toward him, holding him close to me.

"Are you okay?" I ask, breathlessly. "Kellin?" I pull back to see him still standing there, his black eyes meeting mine.

"Vic, what did you do?" he asks, his voice hollow.

"What do you mean?" I question.

He looks at me blankly, no looks through me, as if I'm not even standing in front of him. "How could you do this?" he asks. "Why would you?"

I look at him, confused as he continues to stares straight through me. "Wake up," he pleads, his voice breaking. "Please wake up, Vic. Please don't die. Please, please, please." I frown, confused. I'm awake. I'm right here. What does he mean?

I turn, following his gaze to see the bodies have disappeared, except for one. As I turn back, Kellin's gone. Instead, he's kneeling beside the body—no, my body. I'm lying on the forest floor, staring into the sky, unmoving. Kellin shouts something to the other figures that suddenly form beside him. I walk toward him, kneeling down so I can look at him. He doesn't react, even as I rest my hand on his shoulder. Tears are running down his face as he says something, but I can't hear what he's saying. One of the other figures—Jack pulls him backward, keeping him out of the way as Alex holds his hands over my body, saying something in Latin.

I'm jolted back into the living world, pain flooding through my head. When I try to sit up, the world tilts around me, making me throw up everything in my stomach. Finally, the dizziness subsides and my vision starts to clear.

"Thank god." I hear someone say. "Take a deep breath, Vic. That's it." I realize I'm lying on the floor of my dorm room.

There's a rush of black before arms wrap around me. It's Kellin, holding me tightly, tears still running freely down his cheeks.

I try to hold him too, but I'm still too weak, the world slowly coming back into focus around me.

Alex and Jack are kneeling right beside us. Relief shoots through me as I see them sitting there, alive. So it wasn't real. They're okay.

"How are you feeling?" Jack asks me carefully.

"Okay," I whisper, my voice still hoarse. I feel like I've gotten hit by three sixteen wheeler trucks in a row. My whole body hurts, my head pounding. Kellin tightens his grip around me, not letting go.

Alex is silent for the longest time, watching me. "What the hell were you thinking?" he asks, his voice growing louder. "This stuff kills you!" Alex yells. "What the fuck Vic?"

I wince, the combination of the loudness and his words stinging me.

"Do you know what it was like, having Kellin find you like that?" Alex yells. "And hearing him screaming for us because you weren't breathing?" Shit. So it was Kellin who found me. Guilt runs through me as Kellin holds me tighter at Alex's words. He still hasn't said a word to me, opting instead to bury his face in my shoulder.

"I'm sorry," I choke out. My lip trembles as a tear spills down my cheek. I hastily reach up around Kellin, brushing it away. I take a deep breath, struggling to continue. "I'm sorry."

Kellin suddenly pulls away from me, startling me. He faces me, his face wet with tears. Alex and Jack exchange a glance before they back out of the room, leaving the two of us together.