A Choir Of The Coldest Hearts

Burn Like You Never Have Before

There's a moment of silence after the door slams shut. Kellin and I just stare at each other. I'm not certain how he'll react, he still hasn't said a word to me. We're sitting so close to each other that I'm holding my breath without even realizing it until my lungs start to ache. For a moment, I'm not certain if he's going to slap me or kiss me.

"Why would you do this to yourself?" Kellin breaks the silence first, tears flooding his eyes.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. "I'm sorry, okay?"

Kellin pauses and I shrink back, seeing the anger in his eyes. "That's it?" he asks.

"You wouldn't get it," I mutter, dropping my head into my hands.

"Wouldn't get it?" Kellin's eyes flash angrily. Guilt runs through me as I realize what I just said. "Vic, I've spent years, dead and alone, watching everyone else live around me. Trust me, I've seen everything."

"I'm sorry," I whisper. "I'm sorry, just leave me alone."

"You were searching for someone weren't you?" Kellin asks. "When you accidentally trapped me."

I just shrug, looking away. I don't want to talk about it. It won't make me feel better if I do.

"Talk to me," Kellin pleads. "Please talk to me. Holding it in won't help."

I just shake my head, starting to stand up, but the world tilts around me again and I'm back in Kellin's arms before I realize it.

"You were trying to summon someone," Kellin says softly. It's not a question but I find myself nodding.

"Who?" he asks softly.

"I was trying to find my brother," I sigh.

"Your brother?" Kellin asks.

I nod. "My younger brother. He died last year."

"I'm sorry," Kellin whispers, he takes my hand in his, his fingers cold against my skin.

"I just wanted to tell him I'm sorry," I choke out. "It's my fault he died."

Kellin's grip tightens on my hand. "I highly doubt that."

"We never knew our parents," I explain. "It was my job to take care of him, but I couldn't. And he died in front of me and I couldn't do anything about it."

"It's not your fault," Kellin says. "He doesn't blame you, so you shouldn't. You need to live for him. Take it from someone who is literally dead, the worst part of it is seeing those you love struggle and not being able to do anything about it."

Tears well up in my eyes and I brush them away. "I'm sorry you had to see this," I whisper.

"I was so scared," Kellin admits. "I found you lying on the floor and you were just—"

"I'm sorry," I whisper. I can feel tears sliding down my face as I hurriedly brush them away. "It's all my fault. I shouldn't have—I should have—" the words are hard to get out.

"Shh," Kellin whispers. He reaches over, brushing away my tears. "It's okay."

"It's not," I whisper. I keep my gaze fixed on the floor, not wanting to meet his gaze.

"You're going to be okay," he whispers. "I'm here for you." I just nod, too worn out to argue. I'm resting my head against his shoulder, my eyelids drooping shut.

Kellin sighs and I feel myself being half-lifted as he helps me to my feet. He half-carries me over to my bed, pulling the blankets over me. "Do you not want me to stay?" He asks. "I can go if you want. But Alex or Jack are gonna want to stay with you."

I shake my head. "Can you stay?" I whisper.

He nods, watching me as I lie down. I can hear him as he sits down on the floor, leaning against the bed frame. He doesn't need to sleep, I remember.

"Come here?" I ask, my voice sounding small, even to my own ears. Kellin lies down next to me without hesitation, pulling me close to him. I close my eyes, feeling his head rest against my shoulder.

"Promise me you won't ever do this again," he whispers. "Please promise me."

"I promise," I whisper.

"You're going to be okay," he tells me. "You're going to be fine." And the funny thing is, I actually find myself believing him.

---

yes, i did finally update. sorry for the wait. this story is on a bit of a hiatus right now.