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Based of - 5x06 (+flashback) Words - 2074 Warnings - suicide attempt, alcoholism, angst. Song - promise (Ben Howard)
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Abby's words were stuck to your thoughts. Always there and always loud. And anytime you even dared to look at a drink, her words became louder and louder. Apart of you wondered whether you actually care. It wasn't as if you had anything to look forward to. There was no way out of this Bunker and there was nothing here for you. So if you did pass out again and if your eyes didn't open, would that matter to you? Did it matter to you? Did it matter so much you were willing to give up your collected bottles that sat across your bedside table?
It was life or death. And, honestly, stuck in his Bunker, you actually considered it. You considered it so much that the thoughts of death replaced Abby's words in your mind. Now you were no longer afraid of what would happen if you touched another bottle of moonshine, but curious. Was Abby right? And if she was, did that eve matter to you anymore?
There came a point where that was all you were thinking off. And sat at the Common Room bar, you ponded over the thought, stirring the glass bellow you as you did so. "What is it this time?" A voice inquired. Your head moved up, meeting Niylah as she smirked down at you. "Kane still wanting you to take the flame?" Then she paused and her smirk disappeared. "Or maybe you've finally realised Abby's right."
She watched as your head fell, debating over your next action. "Maybe." You muttered before both you and Niylah fell silent. Something not often found in the two of you. Normally the girl could go on and on about the person who slept in the bed next to her. How he talked in his sleep and she hadn't been able to get a decent night's sleep for the last week or so. She had thought about complaining but she didn't believe that talking in your sleep should be a punishment that put you in the fighting pits
When the girl didn't added anything else, you stood, passing Niylah her empty glass back. "I'm gonna call it a night." You spoke but she had caught something. You never 'called it a night'. Niylah didn't really believe you knew the difference between day and night anymore. And for the last week or so, she had left before you, leaving you to pour your own drinks. Something was wrong, Niylah just wasn't sure as to what.
But she let you go and watched as your back found her eyes until it was finally out of sight. She had yet to realise that letting you go, not following her instincts, it would backlash on her like no other. The girl tried to think nothing off it. She continued as normal, just without your occasional statements.
When you reached your private room, you fell. You fell and your back hit the wall, head meeting your hands. Were you really doing this, you had questioned yourself. Were you really just going to let everything go? And while a part of you was doubtful, the other was reminding you of how nothing was going to change. The Bunker wasn't suddenly going to open again, you weren't just magically going to get your lost baby back and you weren't just going wake up in the Ring one day. You were stuck here. And right now, you only saw one way out.
